Well, kiddos, here it is, nearly the day of my surgery. I am kinda loopy due to lack of food … I’ve been “eating” chicken broth, popsicles, protein water, crystal light and jello for the past 30+ hours. I’m surprised I didn’t murder anyone when my mom and I went to Wal-Mart today. NOT the place to be when you can’t eat.
I have to be at the hospital at 10:30 a.m., with my surgery to follow (hopefully) 2 hours later. It should last between 2 and 4 hours, then I’ll be in recovery for an hour or two.
I’m beyond ready to start this next phase of my life and I want to thank all of you for your good wishes. It means a lot to me and the more prayers, the better, right?!
Hello, my name is Monique and I. Am. HUNGRY!
I ate my last supper, so to speak, at the Cheesecake Factory … lunch was the chinese chicken salad followed by chocolate pistachio cheesecake split with my mom. YUMMEH. Unfortunately that was more than 8 hours ago and my dinner of broth and Isopure protein water didn’t quite cut it. 
I’m on clear liquids until midnight tomorrow, then it’s nothing by mouth until after my surgery. Yay. Tomorrow I plan to stay busy and away from food. Gah.
I’m still feeling kinda hinky … while I haven’t been sick since Tuesday, I have been feeling nauseated anytime I deviate from my diet of saltines and chicken noodle soup. Le sigh. I called the surgeon’s office again today and missed the call back … the nurse didn’t say jack shit in her message, other than that she’ll be back in the office at 8 a.m. and to call her then. UGH.
Last weekend, I filled out a living will and had two of the bitches sign it as my witnesses; I also filled out paperwork assigning my mom as my healthcare representative, even though as next of kin, she would be. Nothing like thinking about my mortality to put me in an awesome mood! But, better safe than sorry, ya know? Speaking of, I’ve given Miss Sodapop admin rights to this blog … she’s promised to post Monday evening with an update about my surgery. Thanks, Soda! 
Miss Laci and I got to the casa de Lucy Friday evening. It’s now Sunday evening. It’s all been a big blur, especially last night. Mucho alcohol was consumed and I got the worst of it. We’ve concluded that I must have some sort of bug since I was the only one puking my guts out for hours, when I’ve thrown up exactly once, one other time, after drinking. I was so half-dead that I crawled into the empty upstairs walk-in closet to have somewhere semi-dark and semi-quiet to collapse in. Eventually Miss Lucy found me and offered up her bed, where I slept for a few hours … but not before yakking up the pepto she bought me. Nice.
I’ve been able to keep down a few crackers and some sprite, but I’m staying home from the Foos tonight. I’m so sad. Miss Lucy and Miss Laci are leaving in a few hours while I camp out here. I hope they have fun and remember that Dave Grohl is MAH BOYFRIEND.
One of my pre-surgery web sites is doing a gift exchange through Elfster and I think it sounds super cool! I sent an invite to some of you via Facebook for the WWWL Blogging Gift Exchange but I could only invite 20 people.
Please sign up! Here’s the link.
Anyone can sign up, you don’t have to be a regular commenter or anything like that. The more, the merrier!
The sign up deadline is Friday, August 01, 2008.
I was up late last night and definitely dragging ass all day. Needless to say, I wasn’t too thrilled at the prospect of a hard workout with Kara the trainer. But, I put on my big girl panties and gave it my best. I was doing walking lunges and she said, “Oh my God, Monique.” I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, “Do you have any idea how much progress you’ve made?” I said, “Huh?” lol … with each lunge I did, she said, “Holy shit, Monique,” and shook her head. I didn’t think I was doing anything spectacular but apparently I was, or at least compared to how I used to be. Wheee!
I gave away my bottle of Aleve yesterday … from here on out, it’s Tylenol. Only Tylenol. Honestly, I haven’t taken Tylenol in years so I am going to be confident in its pain-fighting properties! Speaking of, my heel has been bugging me on and off. I think it has to do with (a) the sandals that I wear and (b) needing new walking shoes. I’m quite gimpy though at times. Yuck.
Ok, I need to get off my ass, get the cats clean litter and food, and then get to bed … tomorrow evening, Miss Laci and I are driving to Casa de Lucy for (a) my last drunken weekend for a year and (b) the Foos concert on Sunday. Squeeeeeee!
Yesterday was my exciting day of pre-op tests! Wheeeee! Actually, it was easier than expected. I was at the hospital for maybe four hours. The upper GI turned out to be no big deal; I only had to drink 1/4- 1/2 cup of the barium stuff but the crystal thingies made me burp like there was no tomorrow LOL. I met the doctor who will be looking in on me after surgery and liked her.
Today, my mom and I went to the all-day pre-op class. Le sigh. They told me to bring a snack. A snack. They did not say that there would be NO LUNCH. OMG. It was nearly 2 p.m. by the time we got out of there and I could not drive to a restaurant fast enough. LOL The crankiness abated once we had some food in our tummies.
I’m sure I’l think of more later but right now, I just want a nap!
Yesterday morning I had a group online chat for class, did some other stuff then hit the road to Miss Sodapop’s place in the Ville. I was cruising along, enjoying the sunshine, listening to “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey and then … FUCK.
I blew past a state trooper.
In my rearview mirror, I saw him turn around and pull out into traffic but he didn’t seem to be in too much of a hurry. I slowed down, moved into the right lane and thought maybe, just maybe, I was in the clear.
Nope. When he got behind me, he flipped on his lights and I pulled off onto the shoulder. It had been so long since I had been pulled over — 10 years — that I had to think through what to do. I turned on my emergency flashers and turned off the car. But then I couldn’t roll down the window. So then I had to partially start the car again to get the window down. In my side mirror, I could see him startle so I put my hands on the wheel and just sat there like a good girl. LOL
Long story short, he nailed me for going 16 over PLUS having an expired registration. It expired last month, I thought it expired this month. He told me he was obligated to tow the car but he didn’t want to do that because that would be bad. I said, “Yes, sir, it would.” He told me to be patient and he’d see what he could do. I think this was during his 2nd or 3rd trip to my car; when he left again, I texted Sodapop, Laci and Lucy what was going on. It was at that point when my eyes started to get teary. The trooper was gone quite some time, which gave me plenty of time to think … mainly about my irresponsibility for (a) speeding and (b) not looking at the damn due date on my registration!
When he came back over, he said, “Ma’am, I’m in a bit of tight spot here so I need you to listen carefully. As a trooper, it is my obligation to tow this car. I’m not going to do that. You cannot drive this vehicle, however. … But I’m going to leave now, you understand?” I thanked him and that’s when the tears started to really flow. LOL I now have two $121 tickets to pay … plus I have to renew my registration, of course, on Tuesday (I think the BMV is closed on Mondays).
After the trooper told me to drive safely and took off, I pulled back into traffic and got off at the nearest exit, parked at the far end of a BK parking lot and cried my little heart out. It was a few minutes before I felt composed then I decided to stop for gas … and the place did NOT have pay at the pump. What. The. Fuck?! So I left to go to another gas station, which did not help my stress level. UGH.
Once I got to Miss Sodapop’s (after driving the speed limit), we met Miss Laci for dinner at BW3’s then walked around a mall because we were both so stinkin’ full. I think I left about 10 this morning and made it home about 12:15 p.m. I did some cleaning when I got home then showered … my mom should be here any time now. Not sure what we’re going to do this afternoon. Tomorrow morning I have to get up at the crack of dawn to go to the hospital. Yay.
More like kinda tipsy blogging … Christopher and I went to the drag bar tonight to see the lovely Miss Gina perform and I slammed two bacardi and diet’s. Well, not really slammed, I drank them in about an hour lol. I’ve done much worse. I was texting Miss Lucy because her drag girlfriend was shaking her ta-tas in my face. In fact, most of the girls were … I don’t think they quite know what to make of me. LOL
Tomorrow I have to get up kinda early and get a bag together since I”m going to Miss Sodapop’s in the afternoon after I (a) survive an online chat for school and (b) get a facial at le college de beaute.
I have basically one more weekend to drink … and I plan to do that next weekend in St. Lou. Then I’ll be counting down until I can imbibe again. LOL And now, because I’m such a good girl, my post-drinking snack is … a Weight Watchers pizza pocket thing. RAWK ON.
