I weighed in tonight at Weight Watchers. I really just wanted to break even, considering I had been out of town, hadn’t exercised and ate candy. Well, ok, I really wanted to lose 1.8 lbs to get to 15lbs. But to my shock and surprise, I lost 4.2 lbs this week! That brings my total to 17.4 lbs. Boo-yah!

Well, we’re talking about me, so ok, “who’s the man?” isn’t entirely accurate. But you get my drift. Why am I patting myself in the back? Because I, who have been working my ass off at the gym, lost 3.2 lbs! That brings my total to 13.2 lbs. I can’t even tell you how glad I was to see the scale go down, because I have been so careful and have worked so damn hard this week. I did my strength training again tonight plus the horrific cardio — the arc trainer and elliptical were my intervals of the devil tonight.

I’m taking my car in tomorrow to have the rear brakes fixed. Ugh. I also have to renew my license plates before the 15th. Ugh. Between the two costs, I’m looking at around $700. Greaaat. Oh, and I have to call my asshole ex, as I got a letter from the IRS about the $$ he said he was going to pay. I should put my dad on the phone with him. My dad’s “disappointed” voice can get anything done.

Holy moley, Ricky Schroeder is on 24 now. I may have to start watching that. I have a great love with Ricky. Sigh …

But I think I may be dead.

Wait. If I were dead, I wouldn’t hurt.

Ok. I am definitely alive.

Gah. I met with one of the fitness trainers at work today and while she was pleased with my activity level, she wanted me to (a) mix things up and (b) get over my irrational fear of the elliptical and arc trainer machines. So this morning she had me do a few minutes on each of those plus the stair machine. Then we went through my new strength-training routine. She has me using free weights, doing squats while holding a 15 lb bar on my shoulders and lunging to here and back. After work, I went back to the gym for my workout. I did my warm-up, then 10 minutes on the treadmill, 5 minutes on the elliptical, 5 minutes on the treadmill, 5 minutes on the stair machine then 5 minutes on the treadmill and my cooldown. Gah. I was a sweaty mess. But then I stretched and felt ok so I did my 2nd set of reps on the strength training exercises. I am going to hurt tomorrow. It will be bad. This I know already. But I seem to be gaining the respect of the hard-core gym guys, as they have started talking to me. I still may be the fat girl on the treadmill but I am the fat girl who is in the gym five days a week, damn it!

Oh, while I’m thinking of it, here’s a tip for y’all — don’t describe your field of work as “engineering” on your online-dating profile if you really work in fucking heating and air conditioning repair. That’s a recipe for disappointment. I’m just saying.

Last night I had an e-mail conversation with NYC Watchdog that spiraled out of control. The last message had to do with tequila and my 5-inch heels. Then Izzy was trying to put a photo of her ta-tas onto a mug. Someone mentioned a few days ago it’s Mercury Retrograde. Maybe that’s why everyone seems to be losing their minds …

Last week I didn’t use up all of my Weight Watchers points every day so my plan this week is to eat eat eat until all my points are gone, including my exercise points. Yum. Needless to say, I had quite the dinner spread. I upped my speed on the treadmill today and surprisingly sailed through my workout. And “S.O.S.” by Rihanna miraculously came on just when I needed a peppy song.

Izzy told me about this dating site, SinglesNet. I put up a profile a week or so ago just for the ego boost. I’ve received a ton of messages but I think it’s even more of a hook-up site than Match. I mean, within 30 minutes of posting my profile some guy who lives in the next town sent me his phone number. Anyway this other guy e-mailed me and he seemed ok enough so I e-mailed back. He sent me another message today and in the middle of it, he mentioned that he doesn’t drive. WTF. I don’t live in a city with major public transportation. And he doesn’t live downtown where you could, possibly, walk a lot of places. So I’m thinking he either doesn’t have a car or he lost his license. Either way, not cool. Sigh.

If you were wondering why there are now photos of readers on my blog, it’s part of My BlogLog. Check it out. Join my community. All the cool kids are doing it. If you need proof, check out who is in my community — Ricardo, NYC Watchdog, Janda and K. Duh.

I went to the doctor this morning for my follow-up appointment and he decided to switch me to another antidepressant. Argh. I had finally gotten used to the wackiness of Cymbalta but he didn’t like my reaction to the drug. So now it’s Wellbutrin XL for me. A friend of mine just started Wellbutrin on Saturday and is having a hell of a time with it. I can’t wait to spin the side-effect wheel of fortune and see what is in store for me.

I gained 0.6 lbs this week. Grrr. But I’m not terribly upset because I felt bloated all weekend. Jeans that were too tight before now look good and I realized today that my bra is getting to be too big. Yes, admirers of Monique’s boobies, the girls are starting to shrink. Sigh. I’m realizing that this is a process and I’m not going to be done with it any time soon.

I did something today that I never thought I would — I signed up for a speed-dating event! It’s not until mid-April, though. The new girl at work was telling me that she went to an event last month and it wasn’t too terribly bad. I found one site that lumped ages 30-50 together. Umm no thanks. The one I signed up for is for women 27-39 and men 29-41. That’s an okay age range for me.

Sometimes I forget what I tell my mother. Last night, I was describing my new furniture arrangement (the burst of energy, by the way, concerned my doctor, but I assured him I did nothing else and I didn’t feel like I was on the road to a manic episode) and she asked if I moved everything by myself. Then she asked about my “friend.” Huh? “Your friend who helped you with your desk.” Ohhhh. So I gave her the lowdown on the Ryan sitch and she laughed and offered to have my brother (Mr. 3rd Degree Black Belt) come kick Ryan’s ass. Ryan would probably put up a good fight but my money, of course, would be on my brother lol. Speaking of Ryan, I signed into Messenger tonight and had a message that he wanted to add me as a friend. WTF is that all about? That happened once before and he swore up and down he didn’t send the request. Uh huh. One word: Denied.

Food I’m Eating

Monica, Janda and Snarky Cool all have left comments about healthy foods they like to eat, so I made a list off the top of my head of my favorites. Feel free to comment with what you are eating. I just made a smoothie. YUM. Maybe this will stop me from going to the kitchen every 5 minutes; at least that’s what it feels like I have been doing today! And weigh-in is tomorrow. Gah.

Apparently I am an inspiration. While I sometimes have a healthy ego, I never considered myself to be a person that someone would choose to emulate.

All these years, I have been wrong.

This week, I have received the following accolades:
– Two friends have told me that my commitment to working out and eating healthy has inspired them do to the same. Even though they hate it as much as me.
– Another friend went to the doctor today after she realized that she may be depressed. She said it was openness about talking about not feeling “right” that led her to examine how she had been feeling for quite some times.
– Finally, the woman who replaced me at work continues to refer to me as her “mentor.” This makes me laugh every time I hear it, because it’s something I would say sarcastically, but I think she is quite serious. Especially because she sent me a Bible verse that made her think of me.

If anyone needs to find me, I will be sitting on my pedestal.

In other news, I am obsessed with steak fries. A serving of 8-10 fries (depending on the brand) is only 2 WW points. Holy cow. They are so good. In fact, I have not one, not two, but three servings in the oven right now. Throw in some deli ham and snow peas and I am a happy dieter. I am getting more compliments on my weight loss. One colleague, after I said I wished the weight loss showed in my ass rather than my face, has made it a point to compliment my ass each day. Awww. That’s why we tell people we’re like sisters.

Sports-bra-washing day is one of my favorite days. Why? ‘Cause it means I’m not working out tomorrow! Yay! Although I am insanely motivated (for me anyway) right now, I am also sore. Really sore. Tonight was the second consecutive night of taking a bath with Epsom salts added to ease the soreness in my legs. But I have that interview tomorrow evening, so I’m giving myself the day off from exercise.

I did hit the gym after work today because I ate lunch at Steak ‘n Shake today with a former colleague. I ate a cheeseburger and was deliriously happy to eat an actual burger. I also ate baked beans and coleslaw … and then I had one point left for the rest of the day! LOL Oh well, that’s why I get an “extra” 35 points to use throughout the week. I did work out so that gave me some points as well. But I was proud of myself for not just throwing in the towel after eating such an unhealthy lunch. I think this is really going to work this time. I am not sure why my mindset is different, it just is.

I am finally starting to feel like I have a handle on my job. I am still semi-clueless but it’s getting better. I can do the writing, it’s the intricacies that are slowing me down. I’m just glad that I have such a good relationship with my colleagues and they are willing to answer my questions. I am able to contribute a lot though, more than I expected.

Today another former colleague made me laugh out loud at my desk. We’ve been e-mailing this week, and this morning I excitedly messaged him that some guy who looked like Ricky Gervais was in the cafeteria. He e-mailed back, “I don’t think you understand, there’s been a rape upstairs,” quoting a favorite episode of the original, British version of The Office. Except Dan is such a gentleman he wouldn’t type the word “rape,” he just used asterisks. The line is so shocking in the context of the episode — a customer-service training — that you can’t help but laugh, esp. because our jobs involved working with trainers.

My previous post is one of my best, I think. I woke up in the middle of the night, typed that post out in a few minutes and went back to bed. It was honest, it was real, it was Monique with the inner filter turned off. I was pleased. And the comments y’all have left have been some of the best, too. It’s a win-win for everyone. Well, not everyone. But close enough.

I broke the 10-lb mark tonight at Weight Watchers! It was a close one — I had the, shall we say, hormonal fluctuations that most women deal with — but I knocked out 1.2 lbs this week to bring my total to 10.6 lbs.

Have you seen the nasty photos of that loudmouthed skank from American Idol? I think her name is Antonella. In one, she’s pulling an American Beauty, lying with rose petals scattered about. In others, she’s in a sheer white shirt at some fucking WAR MEMORIAL. Oh yeah, that’s hot. Not. I have a feeling she’s going to show up in the “Sexy or Skanky” column of Cosmo or Glamour or whatever.

I am feeling quite kick-ass tonight. Maybe I’m finally get adjusted to my medicine and of course, I am pleased as punch at how well WW is working for me. Speaking of, it’s time to eat more. Got more points to use …

I set up my Ebay account in 1999 (yeah, I used to be an early adopter lol) and have used it off and on to sell and buy stuff, usually crap. This week, however, I bought myself a new iPod (after 2 weeks of trying, I declared my precious to be dead). I also remembered I registered for this year’s Mini Marathon (ha, not gonna happen), which is sold out, so I posted my entry on eBay. I had some guy offer me $80 outright for it, but I already had a bid so I couldn’t take his moola. Damn. I’m also posting some of my Harlequin Blaze books as really, ya only read ‘em once. It’s not like they are great literature.

I am pondering getting up off my ass and going into the gym. I may just do a DVD at home. I’ve been to the gym five days in a row … when I told my brother I was doing Weight Watchers and working out, he freaked out, knowing my personality, and cautioned me against doing too much and burning myself out. Speaking of, there is an awesome photo of him that his ex-gf posted on his MySpace page. Too bad he’d kick my ass if I put it up here. He just looks like a major kung-fu dumbass teaching his class.

Hmm what else is new? A few friends have been pushing me to start dating again. I know they mean well — as one girl said, “You’re young, pretty and fun; why are you staying home?” — but these days I am more interested in friendship and companionship than anything else. Cymbalta has stolen my libido lol. Besides, I don’t think it’s a good idea to start a relationship two weeks after starting an antidepressant! See, that’s the thing. People unfamiliar with depression don’t get it. It either scares them and they stay away or they think it’s no big deal. I can’t explain it. I can’t justify it. It just is what it is. The people who know me in real life know that I am almost always laughing. But now it’s like I can’t laugh, not like I used to. Friday night I was laughing when my friends were over, but it was like I had to force myself to … like the laugh stopped at my throat. And it’s hard to know what I want from my friends … do I really want to go out more? Eh not sure. Do I really want to stay home? Eh not sure. But what has been frustrating are the one or two people who want to ignore it, not talk about it or make any effort to be empathetic to what I am telling them. But then again, those were the more tenuous friendships to begin with. Today marks week 3 on the medication; I go back to the doctor a week from tomorrow. Hopefully I’ll be myself again soon. Or myself but better. If that makes sense.