I may have conquered my caffeine addiction … but I am now drinking Crystal Light like there is no tomorrow! I could not get enough of that stuff today! I was totally hopped up on artificial sweeteners. Between the Splenda and lack of caffeine, I think my little brain neurons were on overload. I swear I could feel my brain rewiring itself!!! Hopefully that fuzzy-head feeling will disappear soon. Gah.
I seriously need to do something to shake up my life. I know, usually when I say something like that, I go off and screw some guy in his limo bus. But I have no intentions of a tawdry hook-up. Well, I wouldn’t pass up a tawdry hook-up but not in a limo bus. The Miss Monique of 2008 has standards, y’all. STANDARDS.
Yes, this from the woman who hasn’t shaved her legs in God knows how long and only has condoms because two of the bitches left their “safer sex” packets at my place. And I don’t know if I really trust those condoms, you know, and I’m certainly not going to use the grape-flavored lube. YUCK.
But back to my main point. I haven’t had sex in 2008. Gah. Now, I am not clear on how I am going to find someone with whom to knock boots, but I better. And soon. For quite some time, I was like, eh, whatever. Lately, though, it’s like every day I am reminded, probably because my friend S., who hadn’t had sex for like 2 years, got some and keeps frickin’ talking about it. I KNOW YOU GOT LUCKY. HOW WONDERFUL FOR YOU. Nah, I’m happy for her. But I’d be happier if it were me gettin’ some.
My options are kind of limited at the moment. Actually extremely limited. I would only call Limo Guy if I were in a dire emergency, although I don’t know what kind of dire emergency that would be, mainly because it took me 6 damn months to get rid of the buffoon. There’s MM, and the girls and I discussed making a move on him, bu he is an unknown quantity. The man could have a dick of gold or he could not. I don’t know. And I’d be really disappointed if I went after him just to get laid and it was nothing to write home about. If a girl is gonna feel cheap, she better feel cheap and happy, ya know? Even though I’ve been talking to him here and there (shut up, I KNOW, ok?!), I don’t see myself doing that, if only because (a) gas costs too much to do it at his house and (b) I’m too busy during the week for that shit.
Le sigh.
Oh well. Back to Social Me. Maybe some guy in Turkey will fly over here to get laid. LOL
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Happy New Year! Hope y’all had a fun, exciting, slightly scandalous and safe new year’s eve! I had a lot of fun with Miss Sodapop … we drank a little, played some Wii, went to Barnes and Noble, ate pizza, watched a few movies, although not in that order lol. We both crashed a few minutes past midnight; I couldn’t get to my air mattress, which was buried at the back of my closet. Soda pumped her mattress up but I gotta say … there’s something to be said for spending the extra money on an Aerobed! My friend S. has one of those and it’s like a bed. Cheap air mattresses, not so much. Miss Chloe, the chiweenie, came out three times during the night to check on me … I covered my head but she still managed to lick my ears. Festive!
I have this friend who I sometimes flirt with … we’ve been doing this on and off for, well, a number of years. Nothing has ever happened and really, who knows if anything will, but yesterday morning I checked my e-mail when I got up and nearly fell out of bed when I read his latest message, where, out of the blue, he mentioned that he was contemplating what name he would call me if we had sex (he’s always been partial to a derivative of my name).
Well.
That’s the kind of message that will wake a girl up! I took the mature approach, ignored everything else in the e-mail and sent a reply that simply said, hmmm, so you’ve thought about us having sex???? Of course I didn’t admit to having had the same thought … I didn’t get the moniker Scandalous Bitch for nothing, y’all. 
Speaking of beds (ahem), these adjustable beds are pretty cool! I love to be lazy. Oh how I PPH being lazy … and I am all for anything to enable my laziness habit. I am in a shopping mood although I don’t have much extra $ to spend right now. In addition to looking at beds, I’ve been looking online at computers. I’m thinking about getting a desktop. I don’t *need* one but my laptop has been getting on my nerves, and it is 2 1/2 years old …
That’s all I’m saying. Fill in the blanks yourself, y’all. 
The latest edition of Scandalous Bitches Live is in the can, or whatever it is that you say. We had fun tonight; one of us will put up a recap over on Scandalous Bitches.
I had a crapola day at work. Well, not really, just busy and hectic and that’s how the next month is going to be. Big ol’ stressful deadlines hanging over me. I don’t initially cope well. I need time to process and think, ok, I can do this, it’s going to be ok, sssh, sssh, sssh. But all this shit hit the fan about 3:30 p.m. and I thought, fuck it, and txted Limo Guy back and said, you know what? I’ll meet up with you after all — and boy am I glad I did. I do feel like I am playing the odds here, I mean how many times can we have sex in a fucking limo bus without being noticed? But shit, it’s been fabulous so far …
I made a completely and totally unnecessary purchase today: a new phone! Not just any phone … a Sidekick! Ok, it’s a Sidekick ID because it was $150 cheaper to get it without the camera and MP3 player. Even the T-Mobile girl urged me to get the ID. I immediately e-mailed Lucy, who was tres jealous, of course. Silly girl has Sprint. Hee hee hee. It should arrive by Friday so I can spend all weekend txting on a real keyboard. Wheeee! I love my hot pink Razr but … I can buy a hot pink skin for the Sidekick.
Limo Guy sent me a 30-second video of himself jerking off. It was oddly compelling. I guess he has too much time on his hands, literally. We’ve been trying to figure out when to get together but, eh, it’s just too much trouble, you know? I don’t want to get into another situation like I was in for two years — y’all know what I mean — and I don’t really do emotional detachment all that well. Ok, except for when it comes to men like Stalks-with-Small-Penis. Speaking of, he e-mailed me yesterday to see how I was. I considered sending him the picture of Limo Guy’s dick, which is roughly 12x larger than SWSP’s but, ultimately, I ignored the message. Poor little punkin’ still wants a piece of Miss Monique but I ain’t interested. *Shudder*
At least Sodapop and Lucy think so. They should know better. Here’s the scoop:
“This award is for those bloggers who are nice people, good blog friends and those who inspire good feelings and inspiration. Also for those who are a positive influence in our blogging world. Once you’ve been awarded, please pass it on to 7 people who you feel are deserving.â€
Seven? WTF? I hate these things because I hate choosing people. I’m a Libra and I want everyone to be happy. But if I must, I’m going to go with: Angel, Frankie, Sodapop, Laci, Tori, Lucy and Julie.
Okay, bitches, want to know why I’m not a nice girl … just a little bit of fun today with the new FWB, his limo bus with mirrored, tinted windows and a deserted parking lot. Fan-fucking-tastic.
I need to think like a man. What do men do after a bad break-up? They get drunk and get laid.
I have two prospects. Well really 2 1/2. One is the guy who called me last night but I’m not interested. Next is Jason #2. I tried to call him a few minutes ago but can’t get a fucking cell signal in my bedroom @ my parents. And I’m not going elsewhere in the house so I can be eavesdropped upon. Then there is Asshat but he works too damn much. Out of all of them, I would most like to screw Asshat because well, the attraction is established, I’m pretty sure he’d be game for it and I wouldn’t feel too dirrty about the whole thing. Jason #2 and I are going to meet up Thursday night, I think. I have friends coming over Friday night. It’s my goal to get laid Saturday. Just so y’all know.
Spent 90 minutes doing work today. It sucked. I have more to do tomorrow too to get ready for meetings Thursday. All I have are meetings Thursday, two of which are mine. I am trying to stay positive. We’re reviewing my first two courses in the new LMS and while I know no one expects them to be perfect at this stage, I don’t have much time to get them to perfect. At least the text is pretty good and most updates should be related to the LMS.
The lovely Laci has set up a scandalous weekend July 21-22. She, Lucy and I are getting together to get our drunk on. If you are in the midwest and would like to join us, just let one of us know!
I caught the last few minutes of Tyra when I got home tonight. The segment I saw was about a magazine called Bodacious, which features nude photos of plus-size women. I’m not sure how I feel about this. I went to the web site and I guess like all porn, it objectifies those who participate in it. But in this instance, it seems to rise to a different level — like, the readers are picking up the magazine just to see nude women, they’re picking it up to see women of a certain size. I guess it’s no different than all of the other subtypes of porn, but because I fit into this category, I suppose it makes me more uncomfortable … It’s difficult to think of this as empowering or making a statement when the girls on Tyra who had been in the magazine were only 19 and 20 years old.
I’m going to dinner with the Asshat a week from tomorrow. He’s going camping with his brother this weekend, then we both have other stuff going on next week. Another interesting guy e-mailed me last night. He’s in a band; he sent me a link to a few of their songs … the jury’s still out on what I think of the music. He is cute though … he also has two kids. All these really young guys — like 20, 22 — have been e-mailing me lately. They’re all adorable but come on. My friend was teasing me today and said, “I’m not doing that anymore, Kim” and she replied, “What is it you’re looking for again???” then we both laughed like idiots.
Another hockey game tonight … Wings are up in the series 2-1 … Wheee …
So while talking to my friend Snarky Cool today, it came up in conversation that she thinks I’m some sort of sex goddess — and, after I stopped laughing, I was quite proud. I am what one would call a goody two shoes. I was terribly shy when I was younger and in fact, my ex-husband was my “first” when I was the ripe old age of 20. (That little tidbit explains the mild trampage that was 2005. Making up for lost time and all that, you know.)
Anyways. I got to thinking about this sex-goddess thing, and what head-knowledge information I could share with SC, who is at somewhat of a crossroads in her life. I do think that I am fabulous, and I think that goes a long way. Sure, I am self-conscious, and I could point out all my flaws, but why? He probably doesn’t notice or care about most of them anyway. (And don’t get your panties in a twist, “he” is a generic he. I’m not holding out on news of any hot stallion. Sadly.) And another thing I bring to the table is my own brand of energy. I’m goofy and endearing and don’t take it all too seriously. That also is important. I also think that physical intimacy can cure a world of ills. Tired? Feeling disconnected? Stressed? Get some. Problem solved. Let me lay my hands on you, and you will be healed! 
So to recap, my key advice is to believe in yourself. Just like our mothers told us 10 zillion times, be yourself. If the guy wanted someone else, he’d be with someone else. Oh, and swallow. Guys love that.
What’s your advice for Snarky Cool? Poor punkin’ has lost her way and needs to find her mojo …
