when I go to the Deaf Club.”

That was an actual line in a paper I scored tonight. It now ranks as my favorite paper ever.

I wish I had a tape recorder tonight, as all sorts of crazy stuff was said tonight. For example:

The team dipshit was challenging people to five-minute “races” to see who could score the most papers. The team leader came over to me tonight and said, “You know why the ‘races’ only are five minutes? Because he can’t last longer than that!” I put my hand over my mouth in shock and howled! I couldn’t believe the team leader, this quiet guy, actually said that.

Mr. “Militia-gan” used the phrase “daisy chain” tonight, causing me to just about choke on my hard candy. The woman who sat in between us asked what that was and when neither of us would say, said she would ask her children. Yikes.

The team dipshit has an audition tomorrow to “dance seductively” for $75/hr. We were laughing that the local housewives would love him. He declared that he would be the hottest thing those women had ever seen without a shirt. The pastor-in-training said, “There’s God, Jesus and then [team dipshit] …” to which I added, “And only one will take his shirt off.”

After the team dipshit passed out his e-mail address, I handed out a few of my cute little faux business cards with my name, e-mail and phone number. The team leader — who I finally realized is a bit sweet on me — was pissy that I didn’t give him one and two of the other men asked me for one. I was like, what the hell? When did I turn into the second-job temptress? But we’ll see if any of them call …. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Kevin Richardson, my favorite BSB — that’s Backstreet Boy, thank you very much — has left the group to “pursue other interests.” Sigh.

Back in the day, I was quite the BSB fan, despite being far outside of their target demographic. Kevin always was my favorite because he was (a) old (he’s now 33), (b) the weakest singer so I felt sorry for him and (c) cute.

I really can’t imagine what other interests he’ll be pursuing nor do I see why this decision warranted a news release, but, hey, here’s to the last age-appropriate boy-band interest I’ll ever have …

I might as well name Kid Rock my “Crush of the Week” for this week. I’ve always been attracted to his skankiness. Plus he’s a Michigan boy. He wouldn’t make fun of me for saying “expressway.” Or calling my hair doo-dad a “bar-RETTE” (apparently the Hoosier pronunciation is “BURR-ette). Besides, I’ve seen his episode of “Behind the Music.” He grew up in a nicer home than I did and his parents bought him a fancy-ass drum kit. My dad bought me fucking Irish flute music to listen to. Anyway, enjoy all of the faux-WT glory …

Finally, I’ve decided on a new Crush of the Week. I’ve always found Dave Grohl to be very attractive. Foo Fighters Dave Grohl, that is, not Nirvana Dave Grohl. Ugh. I love his semi-smarmy, semi-angsty, semi-greasy-hair persona. Yum!

I’m getting an early start. This is for my friend, Jennifer, who went to the Tim McGraw/Faith Hill concert over the weekend. I’m going in July. She was much more enthusiastic about Tim than Faith, but honestly, what woman isn’t???

I’ve always kind of liked how unabashed Tim McGraw is about his beefcakiness. But then again I am all about the equal exploitation of hot men. As I said last week to a friend, I will gladly support any film with full-frontal male nudity. It’s my reward for seeing bare boobs in roughly every third movie. ; )

BTW, a search of “Tim McGraw” + “shirtless” turned up NOTHING! : (

Nick Lachey always can cheer me up.

He’s a repeat “crush,” I know. I can’t help it. He’s dreamy.

Damn, Ryan Reynolds is looking f-i-n-e. (Photo originally posted at I’m Not Obsessed.)

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve posted a “crush of the week.” George Clooney is like crush of a lifetime. Sigh. He’s so cute. And he keeps getting cuter. He was even cute in “Syriana,” with icky facial hair. Hmmm Matt Dillon is on TV now and he’s looking kind of cute too. No, I will stick with my original choice! I heart George 4-ever.

P.S. My real-life crush of the week, Scott, and I are having dinner again on Wednesday. Sigh.

Damn, this guy is hot.