Two years. Two years that have been both slow and quick. Two years of pouring my heart out pretty much every day, sharing my life with “strangers,” some of whom are now good friends. There’s so much we’ve shared that I feel like I know you. My original plan was to make a list of everyone but the list is too damn long. Y’all know who you are and I hope you know what you mean to me.
I would be lost without this blog and the support that blogging has provided me on some of the best and worst days of my life.
And, now, a photo of my favorite flower. I have a sunflower print that reads, “If you turn your face to the sun, you can’t see the shadows. It’s what the sunflowers do.”
So, yeah, my name isn’t really Monique. I kept up the front for a long time, until I inadvertently “outed” myself by pasting in an e-mail that I received. Some of you know what my name is, I don’t keep it too much of a secret, but here, in this space, I am Monique.
Why Monique? Because it’s cute. It’s exotic. It conjures up an image of a snotty girl. It makes me laugh.
The name popped into my head one day, before I even thought of writing a blog. A then-colleague asked me a question for a book he was writing about relationships (do NOT even get me started about this man and his so-called “qualifications.”) and I said, “I’ll answer only if you’ll call me Monique!” He was not amused. I believe he used my quote but I was shoved into the chapter about “toxic” women. Asshole.
Anyway. Monique it is.
Audio post
It’s too late tonight and I’m sure you’re right …
If I had to do it again, I probably wouldn’t have named my blog When We Were Liars — it always ends up at the bottom of alphabetical blogrolls! But I love the song that those words came from, Running for Home by the Matthew Good Band.
I first discovered Matthew Good in ‘99 or so. His album Beautiful Midnight is one of my most favoritest ever. I gave copies to a couple of co-workers, including the former flame. During a long drunken night, the FF revealed that Running for Home was his favorite song on the CD. I said I liked the lyrics, especially “When we were liars, things were seamless,” and he asked why. I replie that the words were true, that life was sometimes easier when you glossed over issues …
The truth is that the lyrics fit my life perfectly at the time, I was in a triangle of liars, myself included. I was lying to my ex about the FF, the ex was lying to me about lots of shit, the FF was lying to me about even more shit, although I knew what it was that he was lying about.
Anyway. The song still breaks my heart. When I listen to it, especially if it pops onto my iPod and I’m not expecting it, I unconsciously make a wry little half-smile and sigh quietly.
