I just had a voice mail from my surgeon’s office … and my insurance company approved my weight-loss surgery!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

That didn’t even take two weeks, I’m stunned!

I have another dietician’s meeting Thursday to check my weight and I also have to call the surgeon’s office to schedule the next steps. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

∗ Posted by Monique on 06.27.2008
∗ Accomplishments, WLS
∗ Comments (6)

I may have conquered my caffeine addiction … but I am now drinking Crystal Light like there is no tomorrow! I could not get enough of that stuff today! I was totally hopped up on artificial sweeteners. Between the Splenda and lack of caffeine, I think my little brain neurons were on overload. I swear I could feel my brain rewiring itself!!! Hopefully that fuzzy-head feeling will disappear soon. Gah.

I seriously need to do something to shake up my life. I know, usually when I say something like that, I go off and screw some guy in his limo bus. But I have no intentions of a tawdry hook-up. Well, I wouldn’t pass up a tawdry hook-up but not in a limo bus. The Miss Monique of 2008 has standards, y’all. STANDARDS.

Yes, this from the woman who hasn’t shaved her legs in God knows how long and only has condoms because two of the bitches left their “safer sex” packets at my place. And I don’t know if I really trust those condoms, you know, and I’m certainly not going to use the grape-flavored lube. YUCK.

But back to my main point. I haven’t had sex in 2008. Gah. Now, I am not clear on how I am going to find someone with whom to knock boots, but I better. And soon. For quite some time, I was like, eh, whatever. Lately, though, it’s like every day I am reminded, probably because my friend S., who hadn’t had sex for like 2 years, got some and keeps frickin’ talking about it. I KNOW YOU GOT LUCKY. HOW WONDERFUL FOR YOU. Nah, I’m happy for her. But I’d be happier if it were me gettin’ some.

My options are kind of limited at the moment. Actually extremely limited. I would only call Limo Guy if I were in a dire emergency, although I don’t know what kind of dire emergency that would be, mainly because it took me 6 damn months to get rid of the buffoon. There’s MM, and the girls and I discussed making a move on him, bu he is an unknown quantity. The man could have a dick of gold or he could not. I don’t know. And I’d be really disappointed if I went after him just to get laid and it was nothing to write home about. If a girl is gonna feel cheap, she better feel cheap and happy, ya know? Even though I’ve been talking to him here and there (shut up, I KNOW, ok?!), I don’t see myself doing that, if only because (a) gas costs too much to do it at his house and (b) I’m too busy during the week for that shit.

Le sigh.

Oh well. Back to Social Me. Maybe some guy in Turkey will fly over here to get laid. LOL

∗ Posted by Monique on 05.28.2008
∗ Accomplishments, Let's get it on, My life
∗ Comments (3)

I’ve been working out with evil trainer girl for 3 months or so. I asked her if we could do another fitness assessment so I could gauge my progress. Now, I’ve been pretty much half-assed about this, because I haven’t been doing much exercise other than my once-a-week workout with her.

Part of the fitness assessment involved push-ups. I did 13.

THIRTEEN!

Let me repeat: THIR-FUCKING-TEEN!

That is more push-ups than I have done, cumulatively, IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

Yes, they were “girl” push-ups. But still! 13! And that was with evil trainer girl watching me like a hawk!

I was so excited, I had to call my mother! LOL

∗ Posted by Monique on 05.14.2008
∗ Accomplishments
∗ Comments (5)

Well, what a nice surprise to wake up to — the handsome and talented NYC Watchdog named me as one of the “Most Honest Bloggers” of the year. I started this blog with the intention of it replacing my paper journal, so really, that’s what this site is. I spent many years of my life trying, albeit not really on purpose, to be “perfect” and it wasn’t until my life was falling apart before and during my divorce that I realized that I could connect with people a whole lot easier if I was just me, without any pretense. Ah, if only my crazy-ass ex-therapist could see me now. Thanks, Dog. This really means a lot to me … and just for you, punkin’, I won’t work any sponsored items into this post .

I’m working on finishing up the first part of my mini-business plan for school. Before I can graduate, I’ll have to construct a real, honest to goodness business plan but this is just practice, I guess. Which is a good thing because as good as I am at coming up with concepts, it’s the pesky details like, oh, how will I measure the business’s success, that are dragging me down!

I watched Waitress last night. OMG one of the best movies I’ve seen all year. Totally recommended to all of the chicas out there.

Ok back to work for me … ugh. Yay school!

∗ Posted by Monique on 12.16.2007
∗ Accomplishments, Blogging, My life
∗ Comments (4)

Yeppers, I’m gonna be a student again starting on the 29th of this month — my whirlwind foray into graduate school begins then. Wheeee!

∗ Posted by Monique on 10.18.2007
∗ Accomplishments
∗ Comments (0)

Because she fucking kicks ass.

∗ Posted by Monique on 09.08.2007
∗ Accomplishments, Blogging
∗ Comments (1)

I was going to start out my post bitching about my lame-ass night out but then I saw a link from NYC Watchdog’s site to mine and that means only one thing …

Thanks punkin’!

Ok. So tonight I looked fucking fabulous. Super cute. I was even impressed with myself. The tan, my hair, my make-up, my sparkly decollatage … it all looked good. I wasn’t sure about busting out the trampy black eyeliner but I’m glad I did. Plus I managed to layer sparkly black eyeshadow over purple without looking like I had two black eyes. Oh yeah, I was a sparkly fucking fabulous bitch.

The plan was to swing by this lesbian bar to see a drag show then go over to our usual dance club. I guess when I heard lesbian bar, I thought, oooh, a girly bar, someplace I’d like! I’m a girl! No. WE WERE SEARCHED FOR WEAPONS! OMG. I’m sure you can imagine the look on my face. I can’t tell you the last time I was “wanded,” outside of an airport. That alone should give you a very good idea of what the place was like.

So yeah, not setting my expectations very high, I still was disappointed. My vodka and cranberry juice was fucking $4.25 and weak as hell. The crowd was tragic and really quite scary. And they played the longest fucking R. Kelly song ever, where he starts babbling about the Chocolate Factory album. That just made me laugh. A drunk girl was doing crazy drunk dancing when we got there and it was only 11. The drag show started 45 minutes late and wasn’t even that good. We left that bar about 12:15 and Chris wasn’t feeling all that good so we just went home.

Le sigh. I just wanted to dance with some cute boys, straight or gay, and be all fabulous and shit. Instead it’s 1:30 a.m., I’m wide awake and sitting on the couch wearing a t-shirt and leggings. Double le sigh. On the bright side, I won’t be hungover tomorrow. I’ll save that for next weekend with Laci and Lucy.

∗ Posted by Monique on 07.15.2007
∗ Accomplishments, Blogging, My life
∗ Comments (4)

I went for my annual HIV test today. The clinic is about 30 minutes from where I live; I did get a bit scared the further down this street that I went (if you’re local, it was at Washington and Arsenal). A few people did stop at stare as I drove by. One old man shook his head, like, what’s that crazy white girl doing here?! But I finally found the clinic and figured out where to go. Chuck, the guy who was my counselor, was a nice guy; it turns out he’s a DJ at a bar I go to sometimes.

I told Chuck that I have no problem telling a guy that sex is not gonna happen without a condom, but I always feel awkward asking a guy if he’s been tested. He suggested that I approach it from the standpoint of looking after my own health, and if a guy doesn’t know his status, well, he can be tested in under an hour. (He did the oral test on me and it took 20 minutes.) We laughed about condoms and I brought up the Pastor Carl story and asked what can you do if a condom is too big? He thought about it and his only suggestion was to use a female condom, which he made me take. (I refused his offer of dental dams, though. LOL)

Anyway, my test was negative. It was a lot less nerve-wracking than it was last year (the first time I was tested). Honestly, I felt a bit silly going in to get tested, but I admit, I did have to answer “yes” to about half of the questions on the risk factor test. I’ve had more than one partner, I haven’t been in a long-term, monogamous relationship, I’ve had sex under the influence of alcohol … will I stop any of those behaviors? Doubtful. But I will speak up more; after all, if I could be a big girl and go to the ghetto by myself to be tested, some guy can too. Here’s a good place to start: The Damien Center

∗ Posted by Monique on 05.19.2007
∗ Accomplishments, My life
∗ Comments (4)

Last night was my writing class. Not surprisingly it didn’t go very well. Not to say it went horribly. Just to say that as I was reading my story out loud, I realized, Oh my God, this is crap. Did I even write this? No way I wrote this? Why did I write this? Sigh. Now I have NO IDEA what to write for next week. And I have plans tomorrow night, I will be out of town Friday-Monday and class is Tuesday. Ugh.

In minor-achievement news, I hung my new mirror on the first try. Why is this remarkable? Because I had to get the hooks into not one but two spots on the back of the mirror. So measuring AND leveling was involved. And let me tell ya, that mofo is level.

(Notice classy case of Coors Light in the lower right corner.)

∗ Posted by Monique on 04.04.2007
∗ Accomplishments, Annoyances
∗ Comments (5)

I weighed in tonight at Weight Watchers. I really just wanted to break even, considering I had been out of town, hadn’t exercised and ate candy. Well, ok, I really wanted to lose 1.8 lbs to get to 15lbs. But to my shock and surprise, I lost 4.2 lbs this week! That brings my total to 17.4 lbs. Boo-yah!

∗ Posted by Monique on 03.20.2007
∗ Accomplishments, Weight Watchers
∗ Comments (3)