Last night I worked on school-related stuff until 10 p.m. Blech. I just now finished watching my 5th and final lecture for this week. I also wrote a discussion posting that was due today and read through the marketing research for our online simulation and crunched some numbers for that. I have another conference call tonight at 8:30, and I still have to start in on my book (60 pages to read). Le sigh.
This afternoon I ended up emailing Jason back. He replied immediately, as usual. More hockey discussions, of course, then I mentioned I got fried dill pickle chips for lunch (coincidentally from the same restaurant we went to on our first date lol). Maybe 3 or 4 emails went back and forth, that’s it. I told my coworker Mary that if I felt cuter today I would have gone to his work, marched in and called him out on his hockey bullshit.
Last night I re-read my blog posts from last June and July. One of the posts contained his explanatory email. I don’t think he meant to be a total douche, just like I didn’t mean to scream every obscenity that I know at him lol (ok I meant that at the time), but it was still a disaster. Dizz-ass-ter. So I don’t know. I don’t really foresee these chit-chats going anywhere. I don’t even know if there would still be a spark there. We took so much time and energy from each other, it was this constant whirlwind of activity, all revolving around each other. I really didn’t do anything other than spend time with him or text him when we were apart.
Regardless, I’m not feeling like I want to stick my neck out there for anyone right now, at least any man. Today a coworker asked me about MM and was shocked that I hadn’t talked to him in more than a week. I was just kind of indignant, you know, like how can he ignore me? ME! And really, the reason why I haven’t called him out on his bullshit is that I don’t want to hear the reason why. I don’t want to hear that it’s because of me; I’d rather just keep on thinking that he’s a douche. I still hear Mark’s words in my head and that break up was more than 2 years ago — he told me that I was everything he should be attracted to, but he just wasn’t. Yeah, thanks, big guy. I believe he reiterated that a few times too. The honesty was much appreciated. Not.
I’ve had this song in my head all day. Please do enjoy the great Don’t Stop Believing …
| 1.7 |
∗ Posted by 
∗ Love life, My life, School
Maybe the motherfucker is back around so that you can actually forgive him….or forgive yourself in order to forgive him and then move on with your life. *hugs*
All that school work sounds nasty. Bleh
Sodapop’s last blog post..It’s like thunder?and lightning
Comment by
Sodapop (Who am I?) - May 7, 2008 6:21 pm
it’s not you because he is a douche! The majority of men are douches! Fuck em’ all! The bastards! (I’m having one of those “I remember how many douches I went through and it pisses me off).
janda’s last blog post..Things not meant to be seen
Comment by
janda (Who am I?) - May 7, 2008 9:16 pm
No, no, no!! What he did was WRONG! He was spineless and irresponsible. If he wasn’t ready he shouldn’t have dove in so quickly. Jerkoff! Anyway, stay strong. I know it’s tough with the warm weather coming and all of these national holidays. It’s been about six months since I last crushed, but it will happen again. And it’s always like a little miracle when it happens.
Smiley aka Dimplz’s last blog post..The 7th inning S-T-R-E-T-C-H marks
Comment by
Smiley aka Dimplz (Who am I?) - May 8, 2008 7:20 am