I woke up this morning with a migraine. WTF? I haven’t be eating anything that I know is a trigger … in fact, I haven’t been eating much of ANYTHING, other than my protein and veggies. Ugh. What made me doubly pissy is that today is Miss Laci’s birthday hoo-ha in the Ville. I textedmah bitches and Miss Sodapop suggested an ice bag. I was also texting a friend in Houston, who ended up calling me while I was in bed, ice pack at the back of my neck. I talked to said friend for about 90 minutes, after which time my headache was gone. Wheeee!
By that time it was after 1 so I knew I wouldn’t make it to KY in time for the Sex and the City movie, so I’m going to meet the girls (and Mama Laci) after the movie for din-din. I’m still in my pjs and basically haven’t packed a damn thing, but hell, I have an hour or so before I have to leave. 
Seriously. I feel like I worked for 2 weeks, not 4 days?! I really needed to do laundry today but I totally blew it off. It was 84 degrees at 5 p.m. Yeah I really want to hang out in the nasty laundromat. NOT! I’ll survive until Monday.
I got a pedi today from my friend K., who is going to cosmetology school. It took her nearly 2 hours but she did a good job. Then I went to the ghetto Wal-mart … and that was about the extent of my night. Wheeee!
Last night, I had a fun-filled evening watching the Wings game (even though they lost, it was still a great game, or at least a great 3rd period), chatting with some cute boy in the UK and yapping on Twitter. Then I couldn’t sleep. Until 2:30 a.m. I’m blaming the excitement of the game and the gallons of Crystal Light “energy” I drank yesterday. No more of that shit for me. I’ll stick to the non-energizing Crystal Light, tyvm. I totally overslept this morning, too; completely turned off my alarm. I woke up at 8:03, threw on some clothes, fed the cats and ran out the door. Ugh. At least it is Thursday and not Monday!
I have been thinking for quite some time that I need to take a break from dating, not that I’m dating right now. If all goes well, I’ll be having my weight-loss surgery in late summer/early fall, and that will be a HUGE adjustment/transformation. I can barely handle casual dating now, with the added workload of school … how could I deal with dating when I’m pretty much re-learning to eat? If I had a steady boyfriend, that would be one thing. But I don’t. I have ex-boyfriends who look at my online profile. Yes, I’ve talked to MM here and there but I know that as things stand, he’s not right for me. He doesn’t have time for me and I don’t have time for him.
So why can’t I make a clean break from the dating scene? It frustrates me, it disappoints me, it makes me want to run around Indianapolis screaming my fool head off. No one I meet is going to be “right” for me because I am not right for me now, you know? I can’t spread myself anymore thinly than I have. I barely have time for my friends at times and as an adult woman, I know better than to cut out the girls for the sake of spending time with a boy … because the girls have been there and will be there and I need to be there for them.
There’s a reason I’ve been saying that I am a good date and a bad girlfriend … because I don’t have anything to give. I don’t have the patience or energy to put into getting to know someone new … or getting to re-know someone who has disappointed me in the past. I still have feelings for MM but right now they are more of the “friend” variety. We had chemistry but it was a lot of work to get there, you know? It was easy when we were together, but there was a lot that kept us apart. And I don’t want to fight for someone’s attention or affection.
As much as I bitch about my ex-husband, I have to admit, his good qualities are kind of a yardstick for me. It still breaks my heart to think about when he told me that he didn’t know if anyone would ever “get” him like I did … and I gotta say, sometimes I feel the same way. But, I don’t believe in just one soul mate, I think we can love multiple people in our lifetimes and it doesn’t diminish the love we felt previously for someone else. Just because I loved Josh fiercely at one time doesn’t mean I won’t love someone different fiercely as well. Just not now. Because I need to find that fierce love for myself.
And now I’m going to go cry … so keep your fingers crossed that no one comes back to my cube for the next few minutes. LOL
I may have conquered my caffeine addiction … but I am now drinking Crystal Light like there is no tomorrow! I could not get enough of that stuff today! I was totally hopped up on artificial sweeteners. Between the Splenda and lack of caffeine, I think my little brain neurons were on overload. I swear I could feel my brain rewiring itself!!! Hopefully that fuzzy-head feeling will disappear soon. Gah.
I seriously need to do something to shake up my life. I know, usually when I say something like that, I go off and screw some guy in his limo bus. But I have no intentions of a tawdry hook-up. Well, I wouldn’t pass up a tawdry hook-up but not in a limo bus. The Miss Monique of 2008 has standards, y’all. STANDARDS.
Yes, this from the woman who hasn’t shaved her legs in God knows how long and only has condoms because two of the bitches left their “safer sex” packets at my place. And I don’t know if I really trust those condoms, you know, and I’m certainly not going to use the grape-flavored lube. YUCK.
But back to my main point. I haven’t had sex in 2008. Gah. Now, I am not clear on how I am going to find someone with whom to knock boots, but I better. And soon. For quite some time, I was like, eh, whatever. Lately, though, it’s like every day I am reminded, probably because my friend S., who hadn’t had sex for like 2 years, got some and keeps frickin’ talking about it. I KNOW YOU GOT LUCKY. HOW WONDERFUL FOR YOU. Nah, I’m happy for her. But I’d be happier if it were me gettin’ some.
My options are kind of limited at the moment. Actually extremely limited. I would only call Limo Guy if I were in a dire emergency, although I don’t know what kind of dire emergency that would be, mainly because it took me 6 damn months to get rid of the buffoon. There’s MM, and the girls and I discussed making a move on him, bu he is an unknown quantity. The man could have a dick of gold or he could not. I don’t know. And I’d be really disappointed if I went after him just to get laid and it was nothing to write home about. If a girl is gonna feel cheap, she better feel cheap and happy, ya know? Even though I’ve been talking to him here and there (shut up, I KNOW, ok?!), I don’t see myself doing that, if only because (a) gas costs too much to do it at his house and (b) I’m too busy during the week for that shit.
Le sigh.
Oh well. Back to Social Me. Maybe some guy in Turkey will fly over here to get laid. LOL
Miss Laci has taken it upon herself to organize a moviegoing party for the SATC movie. I was going to go, I wasn’t going to go, back and forth, until I finally decided to go, since Miss Sodapop convinced me … partly luring me with the fire department picnic on Sunday. Hellloooo firefighters! With my wack-ass diet, no post-movie cosmos for me … too much sugar. Sugar bad!
Oh, and I didn’t mention the best part about the moviegoing party — I get to meet Miss Laci’s mom and she can see that I’m not an internet predator! (That was her fear when Laci and I met in Evansville for the first Scandalous Bitches weekend last summer.)
Today was kind of a dieting trainwreck. I didn’t know what to do about breakfast so I just didn’t eat it. Then for lunch, I got a salad from the cafeteria, except (a) it wasn’t all that good and (b) I didn’t have any protein to eat with it. I picked at the salad for about 90 minutes then threw it in the trash … and by 2:30, I was out the door to get a “low carb” burger from Hardees. LOL It hit the spot but I am still hungry … physically hungry too, not like, ooh I want to pick at a bag of chips. No. I want another frickin’ burger! Right now! Obviously I’ll be making dinner as soon as I get home from work!
That I would still be wide awake at nearly midnight the night before I have to go back to work. Le sigh. I didn’t even nap today! Or sleep in that late! Or drink caffeine, for pete’s sake!
The Red Wings game totally kicked ass; they won 3-0. They’ve had shut-outs in the first 2 games of the series. Two games down, two to go to win.
I was on some site today and was reading — what else? — relationship articles, and there was one that interested me. It was about the dating mistakes of the characters on Sex in the City. So I took the quiz, fully expecting, from the descriptions, to be Carrie or Miranda. Nope, I was a Samantha. I was like, whatev, but the description does fit:
When you meet the hotties you are into no-strings-attached sex. Often you have the thought, “I don’t need or want a relationship.” But sometimes you meet a guy, have great sex in his king-sized bed and open up not only sexually but emotionally. Everything is unfolding perfectly. Too perfectly. After the cozy coupling and three hour confessionals you start to like the guy and get scared to death. You find yourself running away while secretly hoping he’ll chase after you. Your deeper fear about being entangled and hurt in a relationship surfaces like a Loch Ness monster and starts running the show. You pull back and become unavailable, distant or quiet–or you act crazy and dump him. Even if he acts loving, you insist that he doesn’t really care about you. You may even tell him to see other girls. It happens almost against your own will and for no particular reason. In spite of how you chased him away, you still sit there waiting for his text, email, or phone call. And it never comes. You secretly or not-so-secretly want the guy to chase after you but he doesn’t. Try as you might you just can’t seem to overcome this dead-end pattern, which I call Chase Me. It happens time and time again.
Umm yeah. Guilty as charged. I am very skilled at pulling back and creating distance. God forbid a guy should think that I am interested in him. Le sigh. I really need to work on that.
The lack of caffeine — I’m trying to give it up totally — as well as this new diet — it’s like Atkins without the fun! — are making me kranky with a capital K. Miss Monique does not like to be hungry! (Like I even need to say that LOL.) I am not sure what I am going to do for lunch at work, since I am not able to eat my usual frozen meals. Maybe tomorrow I will get a salad and then bring a chicken breast with me to add in.
There’s another hockey game on tonight! Wheeeeee! A bright spot in my otherwise bleak day. And it really is kind of bleak out … it’s gloomy, insanely humid and raining on and off. I watched 2 of my lectures for this week — 4 to go, kick ass — but I think it’s time for talk shows now. 
I usually go out of town for Memorial Day but this year I stayed in Indy. Because I’m downtown, I was worried about traffic from the Indy 500 today. Pffft. I went to the nicer Wal-Mart, as opposed to the ghetto Wal-Mart, and got in and out, no problems. It was amazing. I was in the store for probably half of the time I’d normally be there on a Sunday. Plus, parking was a breeze. Wheeee!
I picked up some supplies for this diet … lots of veggies, some chicken, lean ground beef, sugar-free Jello, and Fiber One cereal. I can’t have milk so I guess I’ll be picking at the cereal for breakfast. I’ve heard mixed reviews but considering I don’t like eggs, it’s about my only choice for a.m. chow.
I also decided to color my hair today … I wanted to go dark (really, closer to my natural color) and ended up with L’Oreal Preference dark ash brown. That shit dripped like a motherfucker! It was obnoxious! I could actually feel the dye plop from my hair onto my shoulder. Yuck. The color turned out how I wanted … which isn’t always the case with home color, ya know. I may add in some highlights too … in a delightfully bright color. Whee!
Yes, I’m a freak: I turned down an invitation to go out with friends in order to stay home and watch the Red Wings. Granted, this invite was from one of my gay friends who has absolutely no concept of sports, let alone hockey, which has a very limited fan base in Indiana. BUT STILL. I talk about the playoffs like every fucking day!!!
Anyway. They were going to play pool and drink … and I suck at pool. I have the best intentions but I totally suck. It’s embarrassing. It’s only worth playing if there’s a cute boy around to “show” me how to play. And after last weekend, I have no interest in drinking.
I used to pride myself on my lack of hangovers. I could drink like a fish and bounce out of bed the next morning, fresh as a daisy. Now? Not so much. Last weekend, Sunday was pretty much a ruined day for me. I felt pukey for most of the day, had a splitting headache and pretty much wanted to curl up under the covers. In January I had a wicked hangover after drinking with the Louisville bitches and then again in April when I consumed a large quantity of rum at MM’s house.
Bah. Just not worth it.
My Wings are up 2-0 in the first game of the Cup finals … a couple of the predictions I read are calling for the Wings to take the series in 6. I hope it doesn’t take that many games but if they to play 6 to win it all, I’ll take it.
