I was so busy this morning. I did all sorts of things so that I didn’t have to work on my paper … like clean the kitchen and the toilet, do dishes, put away laundry and even tweeze my ’stache! I do have 2 pages written and I think once I focus again, it shouldn’t take too terribly long. I need to thank God daily for my writing ability because if I couldn’t pull this crap out of my ass, life would be a lot more difficult!

I miss mah bitches. I don’t miss the hangovers that they all had today, though! I was thinking about driving down there tomorrow but with gas prices, my budget allows me to either buy gas to get to KY or to get to/from work next week. Yeah, guess I better stay home.

After I had dinner with MM last week, my mom asked if I had told him about my surgery plans. I haven’t, and I don’t know when I will. I mean, he is a part of my life, but telling him is different than telling my friends. My friends don’t care what I look like (’cept when I’m flashing ‘em all my boobehs at O’Charleys) but a guy I’m dating? That’s totally different. This surgery involves some major life changes for me. No more going out to eat. No booze for quite a while. I’m going to be losing weight and having weird skin for a while (people tell me that at my age, I have the best chance of the skin going back to normal but I’m sure there will still be wobbliness). I am going to have to face my demons and the reasons WHY I overeat.

Oh my God. *Ephiphany moment. Epiphany moment.* I don’t want to tell MM about this surgery because it means admitting that I’m not perfect.

Oh dear Lord. I thought I had moved past all of this wanting-to-look-perfect shit. I guess not. Well, there we go. That’s what I’m going to tell him. Perfect opportunity for me to be vulnerable (not my strong suit) … which means I’m going to be scared as shit! Le sigh. Lesigh lesigh lesigh.

∗ Posted by Monique on 04.05.2008
∗ Friends, Love life, School