I drove to Louisville yesterday afternoon and met up with Miss Laci at her swanky bachelorette pad. Then we went to the airport to pick up Miss Sodapop, whom we recognized immediately. She is just like I expected her to be, except maybe even funnier. The three of us headed over to a burger joint where our final Scandalous Bitch, Miss Lucy, met us. Lucy is a fucking trip-and-a-half, OMG. So fucking funny. And the four of us together? It makes me think of the scene in Superstar where Mary Katherine Gallagher and her friend are doing supermodel sit during Mass and they talk about when they get together with Naomi and Linda and the other supermodels and it’s “total and utter insanity.” Or some shit like that.
Laci got a super-fabulous tattoo last night and handled it like a trooper. No tears or anything. Sodapop got a tat on her shoulder but I didn’t get to see it before it was taped up … because Laci and I went on a mission to find Starbucks, which took an hour, despite being in the city where Laci lives, and poor Lucy and Soda had to sit outside the tat shop for 27 minutes after it closed. Fortunately Denny the tattoo guy hung out with them.
Then the tequila started … Soda, Lucy and I drank an entire of Patron Silver. YUM. (Of course this morning it was McDonalds time. Yum.)
Head over here to hear the inaugural Scandalous Bitches Live.
OH OH OH OH OH The fucking McDonalds in KY DO NOT HAVE ICED COFFEE! WTF???? Apparently Soda and Lucy were scared to tell me this. We will be making a Starbucks pit stop today. Oh yes we will.
OMFG y’all this time tomorrow I’ll be hanging out with mah bitches, Laci, Lucy and Sodapop. WOOOOOO!
So I have a new potential stalker. LOL Nah this guy seems ok so far. I e-mailed him maybe last night, today he e-mailed me and asked if I was at the Wal-Mart on ____ Street today. WTF? I fucking was. Then he asked if I was wearing a white shirt and brown pants. I fucking was. I didn’t see him but I doubt I would have recognized him. I was in full-on “get me the hell out of Wal-Mart” mode.
I’m sure y’all will be hearing from me … the preview edition of Scandalous Bitches Live will be Friday/Saturday night at midnight. Wheeee!
I’m starting to think that Miss Laci and I should abdicate our Scandalous Bitchiness after just a few short days and turn the reins over to Miss Angel … first Angel came up with the idea of Scandalous Bitches Live and today, it was a chat room! She’s a frickin’ genius … even though she did swap her Ohio accent for an Alabama one. Hee hee.
I woke up last night, thanks to a txt message I received at 1:26 a.m. (no, not from Mr. Stalks with Small Penis) and oddly, both an opening line and a plot idea for the book I’ve been saying forevah that I’m going to write. Thankfully I still remembered the tidbits when I woke up this morning because it’s a damn good idea … but word to the wise: When you start fictionalizing an experience from your past, don’t be surprised that you get mad all over again. 
Currently, my tattoo is bugging the hell out of me. It’s itching. I know enough not to scratch it, instead I read that you’re supposed to slap the tattoo. So I did tonight and OMFG it hurt. LOL I think I’m going to take a benadryl tonight so I don’t scratch it in my sleep.
Are you ready for the best news you’ve heard all damn day? The Scandalous Bitches are going to have a radio show! Go to our site to vote on a day/time.
I went back to work today after a week’s vacation … eh it wasn’t too bad. Well, it kind of was but I’ve had worse days. My coworker e-mailed pictures of her new little guy, who is adorable and teensy and all baby-like.
I thought I had other news to share but I can’t think of anything … I guess the radio show excitement has fried my little pea brain.
Edited to add:
Ok, I remembered … I dropped my pants at least three times at work today (in the “privacy” of my cube lol) to show off the tat. Unfortunately it’s peeling so it’s not so vibrant right now but everyone got a good idea. At least two people said they thought I already had one. Ok, I get it. I’M A PUSSY. 
Fairly quiet weekend. Went to church tonight, then called into Mr. Fab’s radio show; Angel was the co-host. When I called in, the conversation was, shockingly, about boobies.
My tattoo is peeling and it’s kinda owie when I wear jeans. It looks kinda scary but I’m going to trust this what it’s supposed to do.
This shit with Stalker Bill is dragging on. I left a snarky comment on his blog last night, which I did not anticipate would lead to two e-mails and two voice mails from him. He wants to go out to dinner. That’s about all I got from the second e-mail as I just stopped reading it. This is making me tired.
I’m glad there’s another scandalous weekend coming up. I needs me some time with mah bitches. Speaking of bitches and scandal, go read Scandalous Bitches, will ya?
There was a bright spot in the midst of annoyances, as Scooter posted the glorious news that chapters 13-22 of R.Kelly’s saga, Trapped in the Closet, will be revealed soon. I watched the preview video and lemme tell you, best chorus of Oh Shit, ever, by not one, not two but up to three R. Kellys. Dayum.
{Drumroll, please} Laci and I have a fucking FABULOUS new site to announce, Scandalous Bitches! If that isn’t a perfect name, I don’t know what is. Check it out!!!
In other news, oddly also featuring Laci, we are both complete and utter nerds. Why, you ask? Because, we are both going to see Hairspray for the third time next weekend … and it’s the SINGALONG version! How fucking cool is that??????? OMG. I am beside myself with excitement. Laci is in luv with Zac Efron (he’s 19, it’s cool LOL) while I am more of a James Marsden (Corny Collins) gal. If you haven’t seen Hairspray, GO. The story is near and dear to my heart, the fabulous chubby girl who gets the hottie (and in real life, if you believe the photo in this week’s Star).
My tattoo has started to peel. I briefly freaked out and sent a panicky e-mail to Sodapop, who assured me that was normal. Apparently I can expect this for the next few weeks. Yay.
I feel so bad for poor Frankie. Poor punkin’ was bit by a tick and most likely has Lyme disease. She sounds miserable and was worn out just eating cereal LOL. Stop by and send her get-well wishes. Angel has been having some health challenges too … Finally, y’all remember my childhood friend who has colorectal cancer? He had surgery and is now going through chemo once a month. His wife has the audacity to be pissed off that he has lost the ability to “perform” and the doctors don’t know when/if that will come back. OMG. I nearly went through the roof when I found that out. First of all, she should be thanking her lucky stars that her husband and the father of their two small children is ALIVE. Second, how you could you bitch about that when your husband is facing a life-threatening illness, you have two small children, may lose your home … Oh, I know. Because you’re a selfish bitch who doesn’t have her priorities straight. Third, you think she’d have the empathy to understand all of the psychological effects of the cancer on her husband, who now has to use a colostomy bag. OMFG. What a hag-ass bitch. She’s lucky I didn’t see her this week. I would have torn her in two.
The best sentence I have ever written: I asked the magic margarita, and Jose Cuervo says to let her have it!
I am officially obsessed with Hairspray. Laci and I are going to the singalong version. 
I can watch the Wedding Singer over and over again.
To what even I will do when drinking … alone, might I add. ; ) So I’m e-mailing a friend and we’re discussing exes, well, mainly penis size, and she sends me a MySpace page of some hottie from her past and I was all like, OMG he’s hot (yes I’m intentionally writing like a drunk college girl … kind of lol). So then I start to think about someone from my past with whom I shared an intimate relationship … and wouldn’t you know it. Just looking at his damn photo on MySpace made my hoo-ha close in on itself, in a figurative sense, that is. I’m not sure how that would work, literally.
Anyway not sure what my point is. I just haven’t drunk blogged in a while. Speaking of, my glass is empty. Wheeeeee. Ok now I’m good again. Wheeee.
In other news, a tidbit that I forgot to share with y’all about crazy Bill is that he fucking brought over strawberries and whipped cream — oh excuse me, Reddi Whip, Extra Creamy LOL — last weekend AFTER I told him that I don’t really enjoy mixing food products with my hoo-ha. OMG. The berries are moldy b/c I forgot to tell my friend S. to take them when she came over to feed the boys, but I just cracked open the Reddi Whip and squirted some into my mouth. Yum. So creamy. LOL Anyway the thought of being spread-eagle on the bed while some man covers my body in Reddi Whip makes me want to pee my pants with laughter.
