Last night was get-out-of-the-house night and I ended up at my favorite dance club with my friend Chris. I was drinking Bacardi and diet coke, yum yum yum. I think I had four, but Chris and I were too busy sitting on a big white couch people-watching to be motivated to dance. Our friend is thinking about getting a sex change and he was hanging out with a group of transgendered men, some of whom were quite tragique. Like, do you not know how to sit like a lady? Jesus Christ. One had very Michael-Bolton-ish hair. Not good.
My entertainment — well, aside from drinking — was txt messaging the potential new FWB — “fuck buddy,” for Mr. Fab — and I ended up with not one but two pics of his wee-wee. My phone was passed around quite a bit. It’s always difficult to tell but the general consensus was that it looks like he’s got it going on — I txted back that I shared the photo with the group, I just didn’t mention it was a bunch of gay/transgendered men LOL.
Speaking of the potential FWB, we’re doing a meet-and-greet today for lunch … he’s asked me to go to the NFL game tomorrow night which ought to be fun, if the seats are good, that is. It’s pre-season so I’m hopeful we won’t be in the top of the dome.
I txted my brother about 1 a.m. and told him I was hanging out with a bunch of transvestites. His reply? “Are you at a club or something?” LOL After that, his girlfriend took over the phone and was txting me for dirt on my brother.
Something in my apartment smells like potpourri and it is making my head hurt like a motherfucker. I had friends over last night but I doubt any of them left behind a satchel of scented flower petals as a prank. I need to figure this out. And it’s not a hangover because my head hurt BEFORE I had a margarita last night!
My brother’s friend makes his own BBQ sauce and David scored a bottle for me. I used it on chicken last night — baked, unfortunately, no grill for me — and it fucking rocked. We ended with quite the spread — the bbq chicken, chicken fried rice and chinese veggies, bruschetta chips, a few kinds of dip, baked beans and double-stuffed oreos. I love potlucks! Then we watched the original Hairspray, as one of my friends hadn’t seen it, which totally shocked me. My cats were super lovey-dovey and put on quite the friendly, well-adjusted act for everyone. But I’ve been friends with this gang for a number of years, so they know what little heathens the boys are!
I went to look at a few apartments downtown yesterday and Chris came with me. The first unit was a third-floor walk-up with NO AIR CONDITIONING WHATSOEVER. Now I wasn’t really expecting central air, as these buildings are all like 80 years old. But fucking come on! It was really cute but fuck that shit. So we walked over to another building the leasing agent thought I’d like, and I did. Central air, woo hoo. It also had the oldest fucking microwave I’ve ever seen, like with knobs and dials and shit. OMG. Buuuuut, there was a big-ass bow window with a view of downtown. The bedroom, however, may not have even held my queen-sized bed LOL. Tuesday I’m going back to look at a larger, top-floor unit. If it also faces south, with a view of downtown, I’m taking that motherfucker. The third building was the one I was originally interested in but OMG, I couldn’t believe they even showed the unit. Tile was chipping off of the bathroom, there was a ceiling stain from a leak — I said, “Wow have you seen the movie ‘Dark Water’?” LOL — and it was just nasty.
Then Chris had low blood sugar — he’s diabetic and had scarfed in a venti raspberry mocha frappuccino — so we went back to the office so he could slam a Pepsi. He said he was ok to drive but I know from experience that low sugar makes him kind of goofy. We stopped by another building, and Chris started talking to the leasing agent before I could. Ok, here’s the scene, Chris and I standing in front of this guy’s desk. Chris says, “My friend is interested in a one-bedroom apartment.” The guy says, “So it’s not either one of you?” and Chris says, “No, it’s her!” The leasing agent in the other room burst out laughing and I said, “I bring him along to make dramatic introductions for me!” After we left, I was like, Oh my God, you DORK, what was that about?!?!? It was very funny.
Here’s a pic of the building I liked:
So I have a potential FWB situation going on (I hate using that term because that’s what Laci calls her man); I was laughing last night on Twitter, saying, it doesn’t matter what a FWB does for a living right? He was in the army for 13 years (he’s 35) and now he’s working for a limo company and trying to decide whether to rejoin the army or do law-enforcement. WTF-ever. He’s cute — although we haven’t yet met lol — and seems to have the same, ahem, interests as me. So we’ll see. As my friend Jennifer pointed out, there’s little danger of me hearing the “L word” in that situation … and believe me, my friends, I have heard that word enough this summer!
Point to ponder: Will I actually put on make-up tomorrow? Yes, I have been feeling a big non-Monique-ish these past few days, which has manifested itself in my lack of cosmetic accessorizing. Partly because work has been a clusterfuck, my computer has died twice in less than a week and I missed some deadlines, and partly because of this icky humid gloomy weather and partly because, well, that’s what I do. I was glad that we had so many chatty bitches on Scandalous Bitches Live last night so I didn’t have to say much! By the way, next week’s show will be 60 minutes. 30 minutes turned out to be too short for all of our callers.
I’ve been chatting/talking with four guys (I think) but eh, none of them super-duper float my boat. One has potential for dating, another has potential for a fling (he’s going to re-enlist in the army). I just don’t know what I want … which is why I sit on the couch pondering these things, Twittering my night away …
Stolen from the girls at Gingerbread Latte.
1. Define “infidelity” as it relates to a relationship. Have you ever been guilty of infidelity? Have you ever been the victim of infidelity? Have you ever been a participant in someone else’s infidelity?
Behavior you wouldn’t want your partner to know about. Yes. Yes. Yes. (Yeah I’m fucking klassy. STFU.)
2. What is the last thing you stole?
Oooh not sure about that one. I’m a good girl. LOL
3. Name on place in your country that you have never been but would like to visit and why.
Los Angeles.
4. What movies can you watch over and over again?
Moonstruck
Tommy Boy
The Cutting Edge
5. Who is the last person you saw naked?
Stalks-with-Small-Penis. *Shudder*
Bonus (as in optional): In honor of the 237 reasons we have sex study. Tell us at least five but not more than ten reason you have had sex.
* I had time before the hockey game.
* The seven martinis I drank told me it was a good idea.
* I wanted to forget about someone.
* I was in love.
* Because I didn’t want to tell him the truth.
* Because it RAWKS!
Tonight is the first live-in-primetime edition of Scandalous Bitches Live. By way of preparation, Laci and I have exchanged a few e-mails, starting off with, “Fuck, we have a radio show tonight!!!!” Never fear, we have a few scandalously awesome topics to discuss … and we’ve both started drinking already. Yee haw!
TUNE IN AT 9 PM EDT, BITCHES
Of something. Damn. I think I am dehydrated from not keeping up with my water intake this weekend, plus being in the heat … and oh yeah, drinking a fuckton of alcohol. I am closing in on 3 liters of water for the day and I’ll choke down some more tonight …
The man situation has perked up, somewhat. I’m dropping candidate for just being after a slice of Miss Monique. Oddly, that’s just not appealing to me. We also have the once-and-future army ranger who is looking for friends — or FWB — as he is getting back in shape before he re-enlists. There is an IT guy (OF COURSE) with whom I’m going to have lunch with on Saturday. There’s a guy who is in a band and seemed somewhat disappointed when I said I was looking for something casual at first, that may develop into more — so I explained my recent history in general terms — hoping that just because he said he is looking for something more long-term, that he won’t turn out to be another Stalks with Small Penis.
Sigh.
Miss Monique can be described in one word: Sassy. It is Miss Monique’s goal in life to be so fucking fabulous that people weep merely at the mention of her name. Miss Monique likes kittens, tequila, George Clooney and attention.
I’m stealing photos from Sodapop. She has the most kick-ass camera I’ve ever seen. If you want to see more pics from Louisville, go to Soda’s page and click on her Flick badge.
Laci and Sodapop
Lucy and me
At the Louisville Slugger factory (check out my big hair! whee!)
Remember: Miss Monique shows no mercy.
I am a tired scandalous bitch. We did another radio show last night at midnight — thanks to Angel for calling in — and I was up until probably 1:30 a.m. I woke up about 7:15 a.m. because poor Sodapop has an early flight. Lucy has a long-ass drive, about 5 hours. I’m gonna gloat and be glad my drive is only 2 hours.
