This post is in honor of Miss Britt. Her use of the phrase needledick mutherfucker made me laugh at a low time.

So, yeah, I’ve found the anger. It came during the realization that a week ago, I was meeting the mutherfucker’s best friend, playing Wii and having a grand old time. One. Week. Ago. What the fuck was that mutherfucker thinking??? I mean, come on. Who does shit like that? Who introduces someone to all his friends, takes her to his home, tells her he loves her, makes love to her, etc. etc. etc. ad nauseum then two days later act like it never fucking happened? What kills me is the use of “I love you.” I have only said I love you to two men IN MY LIFE … my ex-husband and the mutherfucker. And I meant it both times. I hope he fucking rots in his own fucking misery … and that me and my posse run into his blue Mustang driving ass so we can give him a verbal beatdown the likes of which have never been seen in the midwest.

Oh and to top it all off, the “other” woman? Not cute at all. So not cute. My friends told me they would say she wasn’t cute even if they weren’t talking about her. Interestingly enough, on his match profile, mutherfucker listed his body type preference as average or full-figured, and he was obviously attracted to moi. This girl? 5′10″ and skinny. And a horsey face. With bad curly hair. Her Myspace page certainly made the rounds at work today. And she is only 26 years old! What 32 year old wants a serious relationship with someone 6 years younger?! I went out with that guy who was like 6 years younger and we had absolutely nothing in common!

I am expecting that mutherfucker’s ears will be burning this weekend, between me, my parents, my brother, his friends and my friend Jennifer. Jennifer and I are going drinking Monday so mutherfucker will get an especially good roasting then.

And Miss Britt wasn’t far off. His dick was surprisingly small for someone of his size (6′3″). I was actually sad when I first saw it. I mean, he was no Pastor Carl and I could feel him during sex, but damn. I was thinking, well, can’t have everything, but now I know it’s his punishment for being an ASSHOLE. I guess, in hindsight, it was really about “average” but it still looked stupid on his body. Stupid small dicked mutherfucker.

∗ Posted by Monique on 06.28.2007
∗ Annoyances, My life