The Two-Year Miss Monique Blogaversary Spectacular starts on Sunday, July 1 ….

∗ Posted by Monique on 06.30.2007
∗ Blogging
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“This guy your brother works with bottles his own barbecue sauce. He gives you the first bottle free.

You know, like crack.”

∗ Posted by Monique on 06.30.2007
∗ Family
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• Went to the “centennial celebration” at my brother’s work. I was hoping for awesomeness but there wasn’t much to be found. I insisted that he, my mother and I have our photo taken in front of this Nascar car but it was a polaroid and ended up pretty light. It was a good picture too — the way I was standing, one leg almost looked skinny. LOL.

• I wore my margarita t-shirt. Oddly,that didn’t embarrass my mother. My straw cowboy had did … which of course made me even more determined to wear it, even though it flattened the hell out of my hair.

• My mom and I are going to visit my aunt in a nursing home tonight. She’s had MS for about 20 years. She’s also quite hateful. I haven’t seen her in a few years. Ugh.

• My attitude re: Mutherfucker is now that it was a positive experience in that it showed me that I can open up and I will love again. That doesn’t mean that my heart is whole again, but I don’t regret anything and I am proud of myself for taking the chance and making myself vulnerable. For a while I felt guilty about that angry VM I left him but I think that was the exhaustion. Now I firmly believe that mutherfucker deserved a whole hell of a lot more … and that if I am ever in one of the stores he manages, holy hell, he better watch out.

• My natural nails are almost too long for me to type easily. What the hell? I have never had nails this long in my life. They’ve grown like crazy in the past few months. And no, I’m not knocked up. I surely would have had the kid by now. The mutherfucker, however, did stay in too long and the condom slipped off when he pulled out. It was day 14 of my cycle and I hope the Nuva-Ring did its job. Just pray that the good Lord does not plan to bless Miss Monique with a bebe at this point in her life. (Talk about another angry VM … lol).

∗ Posted by Monique on 06.30.2007
∗ My life
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This post is in honor of Miss Britt. Her use of the phrase needledick mutherfucker made me laugh at a low time.

So, yeah, I’ve found the anger. It came during the realization that a week ago, I was meeting the mutherfucker’s best friend, playing Wii and having a grand old time. One. Week. Ago. What the fuck was that mutherfucker thinking??? I mean, come on. Who does shit like that? Who introduces someone to all his friends, takes her to his home, tells her he loves her, makes love to her, etc. etc. etc. ad nauseum then two days later act like it never fucking happened? What kills me is the use of “I love you.” I have only said I love you to two men IN MY LIFE … my ex-husband and the mutherfucker. And I meant it both times. I hope he fucking rots in his own fucking misery … and that me and my posse run into his blue Mustang driving ass so we can give him a verbal beatdown the likes of which have never been seen in the midwest.

Oh and to top it all off, the “other” woman? Not cute at all. So not cute. My friends told me they would say she wasn’t cute even if they weren’t talking about her. Interestingly enough, on his match profile, mutherfucker listed his body type preference as average or full-figured, and he was obviously attracted to moi. This girl? 5′10″ and skinny. And a horsey face. With bad curly hair. Her Myspace page certainly made the rounds at work today. And she is only 26 years old! What 32 year old wants a serious relationship with someone 6 years younger?! I went out with that guy who was like 6 years younger and we had absolutely nothing in common!

I am expecting that mutherfucker’s ears will be burning this weekend, between me, my parents, my brother, his friends and my friend Jennifer. Jennifer and I are going drinking Monday so mutherfucker will get an especially good roasting then.

And Miss Britt wasn’t far off. His dick was surprisingly small for someone of his size (6′3″). I was actually sad when I first saw it. I mean, he was no Pastor Carl and I could feel him during sex, but damn. I was thinking, well, can’t have everything, but now I know it’s his punishment for being an ASSHOLE. I guess, in hindsight, it was really about “average” but it still looked stupid on his body. Stupid small dicked mutherfucker.

∗ Posted by Monique on 06.28.2007
∗ Annoyances, My life
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Or at least I’m getting there. Today I laughed. I noticed I had my regular bounce in my step. I laughed some more. I only cried once, although I got teary twice, once when my friend gave me a sassy relationship book and the other time when another friend told me that she added me to the concern list at her church, hoping it would help me heal faster. Speaking of, I am going to start going back to the church. My dad mentioned that out of the blue Tuesday night. He attended services at Unity and Unitarian churches when he was in rehab. So I have three churches, at least, to check out.

I rented Dream Girls tonight … this is my fourth time watching it. LOVE IT. I’m also eating pizza and cheesesticks. Holy cow. I love feeling like I can indulge after a trauma.

I’ve also decided that I’m going on vacay in the fall. I’m going to go to the northeast to visit Janda, Izzy, Ricardo and Watchdog, if they’re so inclined, as well as anyone else who lives out that way.

Still don’t know if the Asshat and I will get together tomorrow night or next weekend. I need a night of frivolous fun with a boy who is hot for me.

∗ Posted by Monique on 06.28.2007
∗ Blogging, Love life
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Last night, before the ambien kicked in, I’ll e-mailed the Asshat. I said, “Hey, I thought we were gonna get some tee-kill-ya!” He replied back and said, “Let’s do it! Whatcha doing this weekend?!” Alas I am leaving for Michigan Friday … maybe. If he can get drunk with me tomorrow, I’ll leave Saturday. I need me a skanky-ass night. He’s easy. He’s tried before. It’s time to pull out the low-cut top, line up the shots and see what happens …

∗ Posted by Monique on 06.28.2007
∗ Love life
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I was ok at work today, kind of. I got teary-eyed three times, I think. I had to tell my friend Denise the story, as she’s been out. I could barely speak when I said, “I know it’s not my fault … but why me?” That’s it, the why. I logged into match.com today for the first time in over a week and Jason had viewed my profile today. Now what the fuck is that all about?

As soon as I got home tonight, I started crying and I was sobbing by the time I made it up the stairs. It’s like I’m waiting for someone to tell me that the past three days have been a terrible mistake. I ate lunch today, my first real meal in two days. I’m physically hungry now but nothing at all is appetizing. I just want to take an ambien and go to bed, but it’s only 6:30.

∗ Posted by Monique on 06.27.2007
∗ Annoyances
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Mentally, physically, emotionally exhausted. I could barely get out of bed and into the shower today. It’s 8:41, I have to leave for the dentist in 30 minutes and I’m sitting around with wet hair, in bed. I just had another crying fit. I know he’s not worth my time but it still hurts to be treated like that.

I reread the long e-mail he sent me. The way he describes this girl … basically she treated him like shit. When I was able to focus on his words, I saw that he hadn’t decided what to do or where things were going with her or what would make him happy. But tough shit. To me saying I love you implies a commitment and you don’t do what he did. Tori had a good theory, that someone from his group was still friends with her and called her after Saturday night and she felt threatened and called Jason. I just want to rant and rave at him and the fact that he won’t let me makes it worse.

Last night I called my mom and asked if they could come down here this weekend. I told her I needed them. She hemmed and hawed, blaming the remodelers. She asked if I could come up there; I said it was such a long drive. I’ve already done it about 5 times. She suggested a flight, but they’re so expensive. I don’t know. I just don’t know. The thought of driving all that way, taking time off from work when I really need to be there … but I also know I’m not going to be able to focus very much at work either.

∗ Posted by Monique on 06.27.2007
∗ Annoyances
∗ Comments (3)

Took a sleeping pill, conked out while IM’ing Tori then woke up abut 4 a.m. I had the brilliant idea to forward four of the txt messages I had saved from the motherfucker back to him. At 4 a.m. So that means he just about 5 or 6 pages of txts from me all showing as forwards from his ph #. My thinking was he could cut, paste and reuse such classics as, “Would you be surprised if I said I was falling in love with you?” “I can’t stop thinking about your … your mouth, your neck, your perfume … aaaah …” and of course, the ever-popular, “I LOVE YOU!!!!” Asshole.

∗ Posted by Monique on 06.27.2007
∗ Annoyances, Love life
∗ Comments (1)

• Found out Jason — henceforth known as the motherfucker — had been fucking me over all along and was getting back with his ex-gf, who didn’t want him when they were dating.

• I left the longest, most scathing VM of my life when the motherfucker wouldn’t take my call. From what I remember, I told him that what he was did was totally unnecessary and twice as unconsciable because it was a game to him, that he should be ashamed of himself and really was disgusting. And I hoped he and Stephanie were happy together because she didn’t even want him before and he had to screw me over to get her back.

• The motherfucker’s best friend Brian e-mailed and told me he had just found out and had no idea that had been the motherfucker’s intention. He and his (ex) wife greatly enjoyed my company and if I wanted to stay in contact with them, that would be great. Ha! That would really get the motherfucker’s goat!

• In my despair, I have totally lost my appetite. I ate half of a banana, a chocolate granola bar, about 1/3 of a medium vanilla cone from DQ and a 100-calorie Hostess pack today, or roughly 7 points on WW. I still have no appetite.

• I talked to my mom on the phone three times; Shelly twice; my dad, Debby, Kim, Chris and Jennifer once; plus have had an ass-kicking offer from Laci and many, many e-mails and supportive comments.

• Thanks guys. As we’ve all been talking about lately, the friendship and support that develops in the online community is amazing. I don’t consider y’all “blogging friends,” you’re just plain friends.

I know my posts have been really chaotic today. Thanks for bearing with me.

∗ Posted by Monique on 06.26.2007
∗ Annoyances, Love life
∗ Comments (2)