Today was nothing if not one example after another of my idiocy. We took our AA out to lunch for administrative professionals day. She wanted Mexican; it wasn’t my special day but come on, we were just there not even two weeks ago for a birthday. Anyway I ordered pollo sabroso, which was basically a grilled chicken breast with vegetables. Yum. Then after lunch, the AA shared her “bouquet” of GIGANTIC chocolate-covered strawberries. As a result of my gluttony, I ended up with not only chocolate on my pants but a wicked tummy ache. My coworker S and I were both in and out of the bathroom all afternoon and pooled our money for Tums. Finally about 4 I left work, came home, put on my pjs and sat on the couch — and I’ve hardly moved since.
That was the minor idiocy. Now for the major …
Why why why am I so f-ing insecure?!?! When I talked to Scott Monday night, he was distracted. I didn’t talk to him yesterday. He sent me a very short e-mail this afternoon. I was like, fuck, and started replaying the weekend … like, he gave me a long hug when I left Sunday, which is just what Mark did before he dumped me (well over a fucking year ago). SIGH. Poor Izzy got a whining e-mail that I didn’t even mean to send lol.
Anyway, everything’s fine. He made sure I was still planning to come to his game tomorrow; he’s going to make us dinner beforehand. He has three big jobs he has to prepare bids for at work plus he has an online course he’s been slacking on for the past 3 weeks (umm wonder why?). I guess I am so used to upheaval that is what I keep expecting. I know, y’all want to slap some sense into me. I’m getting there … as Janda told me, in six months I’m going to wake up and wonder how the hell I got to where I am!
I do that too. I get all these scenarios running rampant in my head until I stop myself. Or someone else stops me. I’m so glad to read that I am not the only one who does that. Insecurity is in every one and we just need to learn to over come it as best we can and live with the leftovers. If that made sense. It made sense when I thought it. LOL
Comment by Sodapop - April 25, 2007 11:33 pm
You need to relax. You’re fabulous! Stop worrying!
Comment by Mr. Fabulous - April 26, 2007 1:41 pm
Soda — Nope, it’s not just you. Unfortunately!!!!!
Mr. Fab — Tx. I could relax a hell of a lot more if I wasn’t going to have a gap in my mouth that could potentially prevent me from gettin’ some.
Comment by Monique - April 26, 2007 2:22 pm