Monday. Back to work. Ugh. I really need to work on my motivation. I just don’t have any when it comes to my job. Ugh.
I put in a hard 40 minutes workout today (15 minutes elliptical, 25 treadmill) then went to Weight Watchers where I was delighted to find out I have FINALLY lost more than 20 lbs (20.6, to be exact).
I don’t have a good feeling about Scott. I’m actually feeling like it’s over. Yeah, he called me last night but we didn’t make any plans, and things have just been weird for the past week. So I’m not getting my hopes up for another call from him. If I haven’t talked to him by the end of the week, I’ll send him an e-mail and be done with it. It really doesn’t make any sense to me; although we were seeing each other twice a week and talking frequently, I didn’t feel like things were overly intense. Since I seem incapable of chilling the fuck out, I turned off my cell phone so I don’t have to listen to it (not) ring.
My cousin is dating a reality-TV star.
I’m going to take a page out of Ricardo’s playbook and make you ponder who it could be.
But Ricardo already knows so that’s not as much fun. Sigh.
Any guesses?????
Hint: The show led to a marriage that didn’t last.
You may have noticed my site was down earlier. I used up all my bandwidth. Sigh. Michael @ Second Rate Hosting was nice enough to hook me up with some extra. Regardless, I need to upgrade my hosting plan; my traffic has really increased.
I’ve had my windows open all weekend and now I’m paying the price — my nose is stuffed up and my face has that sinus-y, “I’ve been hit in the face with a board” feeling. I’ve had to stop myself a few times this weekend from calling Scott, reminding myself that no, he’s the one who didn’t want to do something this weekend and he needs to be the one to call me. So I’m trying to act like I wouldn’t care if this one pulls a disappearing act. Ha.
I’m watching Pretty in Pink. It’s amazing how, at age 12, I thought this movie was so damn cool and that Molly Ringwald and Andrew McCarthy actually looked like teenagers.
If you believe this. Yeah. That’s what I thought.
Your Mind is PG-13 Rated
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Your mind is definitely a little dirty. You’re naughty, but not trashy.
You don’t shy away from a dirty joke, and you’re clearly not a prude.
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I generally get irritated with the men in my life when they are pissy after a sporting event does not go their way. Ironically, I was tres pissy myself, but the Wings just took the lead with 1:24 left in regulation. I groan, I stomp my feet, I cuss, I clap (and usually scare the cats), I sit on the edge of my seat, I jump up and down, I yell … it would be fair to say that while watching hockey, esp. play-off hockey, I am generally the most un-self-conscious that I ever am! Damn, that was a hell of a game. I was ready to count the Wings out.
I am trying not to be pissy over the Scott situation, but you know me, of course I am, although the Wings win improved my mood a bit. I took a couple of quizzes yesterday on this web site, and not one but two quizzes drew special attention to my low scores in “intimacy.” They said I’m not ready for a long-term commitment. I was discussing this with a friend last night and pointed out that if you don’t grow up with a model of healthy relationship, you’re fucked. I mean, how do you learn? I feel like I’m just stumbling my way through, picking up things here and there that I really should have learned years ago. Ironically, last night I got an e-mail from a guy I had been talking to a few months ago. We were going to go out but it just never worked out. He invited me out for drinks. I probably would have gone, were it not for the dental issues and for me being in sweats, not wearing any make-up and having messy hair. Because that’s what I do. I find a distraction at the first hint of trouble. I could read, I could cross-stitch, I could watch a movie … but nope, I find a man. Sigh.
To be honest, no other man interests me right now but Scott, which is why I am really really hoping he is just sitting at home watching the NFL draft and doing his online course for work. But I’d feel a hell of a lot better if I knew that for sure. Of course, I could call him … but he hasn’t responded to the two e-mails I sent yesterday, one a new message, the other a response to one of his messages, so yeah, not gonna call … but I will look up how long after this dental work I need to avoid alcohol, b/c I could really use a margarita or three right about now …
The Blogger’s Choice Awards are pissing me off. I’ve tried twice to register so I can vote but haven’t received a confirmation e-mail either time … and without the confirmation e-mail, I can’t complete the registration. There’s also no link to resend the confirmation code. Nice.
Oh God, Mr. Last Night just e-mailed me again. I need to crawl into a cave to avoid my destructive impulses! Left to my own devices, I’m a disaster.
I love me some Alison Krauss. I saw her in concert maybe two summers ago. She’s touring again but her concert here is outdoors — at the end of July. Screw that. So I e-mailed my brother and asked him if he wanted to go to the show in Mich. I went to order tickets today and lo and behold, they were going on sale in 4 minutes … so I scored us second-row seats, right in the center!
I went out to lunch today with two co-workers. Ugh. The food was so good and so … fried. Ugh. At least I couldn’t eat all that much, considering I have to chew slowly, on one side of my mouth.
One of the co-workers thought that I should have apologized to Scott for being crabby last night. WTF-ever. He made me watch some shit on the History Channel — and she thinks I should apologize? 
Anyway, my horoscope said, repeatedly, that I should have some “alone time” today and that is exactly my plan for tonight. Just me, the TV and People’s 50 Most Beautiful People issue …
I went to the dentist this morning b/c I had a crown that felt loose. Good thing I went in, because the dentist could pluck the crown out of my mouth with little difficulty. They took x-rays … bad news. My body is “eating” the remainder of the tooth, as he so nicely put it, so he can’t put a new crown on. Instead, I’m going back into his office this afternoon so he can remove what’s left. Then, I have to heal for six weeks before he can do anything else … which means, yes, I’m going to have a gaping hole in my mouth. Good gawd. And yes, it’s f-ing noticeable when I smile, because I have a wide smile. Oh yeah, this is REALLY going to help my plan to introduce some adult fun into my life! Ugh.
Update — I was in and out of the dentist in 15 minutes, start to finish. That included novocaine time plus paying my bill. The dentist kept telling me how tough I was — I honestly couldn’t feel a damn thing, even when he was apologizing. I was just like, hey, Dr. Phil’s on! My jaw is a little sore but nothing a few more aleve won’t fix. Easiest dental procedure ever. I am just a bit tired and grumpy.
I went over to Scott’s tonight and we ended up watching the Wings game. They fucking suck, btw. Anyway, I should have stayed home. His humor was getting on my nerves. He goes to bed a lot earlier than me and kept making remarks about how it was his bedtime (and not in a hint-hint kind of way). So after the first period ended I got up to leave and he was surprised that I was leaving. I ended up staying until 5 minutes before the second intermission. I think he felt bad b/c I had an e-mail from him by the time I got home.
I am self-conscious about the “gap” and will have to spend some time in front of the mirror this weekend figuring it out. It’s not like me to not smile so I need to decide what I can do without looking like a hobo. The dentist called me about 8:45 to check on me; I didn’t recognize the number so I let it go to VM. He left me his home phone. I laughed at that b/c it was such a minor procedure. My friend Denise has the hots for him so I’ll have to lord the voice mail over her. I don’t even know if he’s married!
Oh, another reason I was irked tonight was b/c Scott says he has to finish this online course he’s taking for work. It’s a 30-hour course and he has 6 hours left. He’s ignored it for the past 3 weeks so he wants to get it done by Sunday night. He’s also watching the NFL draft this weekend. I was like, there’s your Saturday night, baby.
Yeah, I need to get some sleep. I’m annoying even myself!
Update 2 – The Wings super suck. The Sharks won at the Joe. Gah. Anyway, I realized while typing an e-mail a few minutes ago, that this is the point in a new relationship when I’d usually show up at Ryan’s door, because at least I knew what would happen there. Sigh. My new co-worker was telling me about her “Ryan.” She’s deleted him from her IM list, although she hasn’t blocked him from sending her messages. Sigh. She did take my advice and changed his name in her phone from Justin to “Do not contact.” (Ryan was “Think Twice.”) This guy has a girlfriend but keeps calling M., saying he misses her. Then he said that he and the gf aren’t “sexually compatible” like he and M. were. Well, too fucking bad. But M’s not at the same place as me. She still likes the guy. Super sigh.
My little brother so looks like a coach in this picture (that I stole from his MySpace page lol) —
Today was nothing if not one example after another of my idiocy. We took our AA out to lunch for administrative professionals day. She wanted Mexican; it wasn’t my special day but come on, we were just there not even two weeks ago for a birthday. Anyway I ordered pollo sabroso, which was basically a grilled chicken breast with vegetables. Yum. Then after lunch, the AA shared her “bouquet” of GIGANTIC chocolate-covered strawberries. As a result of my gluttony, I ended up with not only chocolate on my pants but a wicked tummy ache. My coworker S and I were both in and out of the bathroom all afternoon and pooled our money for Tums. Finally about 4 I left work, came home, put on my pjs and sat on the couch — and I’ve hardly moved since.
That was the minor idiocy. Now for the major …
Why why why am I so f-ing insecure?!?! When I talked to Scott Monday night, he was distracted. I didn’t talk to him yesterday. He sent me a very short e-mail this afternoon. I was like, fuck, and started replaying the weekend … like, he gave me a long hug when I left Sunday, which is just what Mark did before he dumped me (well over a fucking year ago). SIGH. Poor Izzy got a whining e-mail that I didn’t even mean to send lol.
Anyway, everything’s fine. He made sure I was still planning to come to his game tomorrow; he’s going to make us dinner beforehand. He has three big jobs he has to prepare bids for at work plus he has an online course he’s been slacking on for the past 3 weeks (umm wonder why?). I guess I am so used to upheaval that is what I keep expecting. I know, y’all want to slap some sense into me. I’m getting there … as Janda told me, in six months I’m going to wake up and wonder how the hell I got to where I am!
I made a commitment to myself to get back to working out regularly; I went to the gym yesterday and today. Argh. I am so sore. Yesterday, I did weights and the treadmill; today, I did 10 minutes on the elliptical and then 20 on the treadmill. Argh. My arms hurt, my thighs hurt, my ass hurts. But one of the trainers did e-mail me last night and said she saw me on the treadmill and could tell a difference. That made me feel good.
My microwave broke over the weekend. It came with the apartment so I called the office … and today I had a work order on my counter saying that it will take 5 to 10 days for a new one. What the fuck? It’s a fucking microwave. Apparently no one cares that I live on frozen meals! Argh. While I can cook those in the oven, it takes damn near a half hour. Argh. Tonight’s dinner was tater tots and ham. Not quite the meal of champions, but it’s within my points for the day.
I’ve been so busy the past few weeks that I am at a loss now. I had something going on practically every night and now … nada. I need a new hobby; overthinking (and tonight, waiting for the phone to ring) isn’t working out too well for me …
