I have been having a bitch of a time exchanging a bra that I bought. In January, Lane Bryant had bras buy 2-get 2 free, so I got 4 bras. Well, the girls are shrinking along with the rest of me, so I wanted to exchange the 2 bras I hadn’t worn … except I couldn’t find the receipt so it had to be an exact exchange, same color, same style. Apparently I wear the most common bra size EVER as I couldn’t find any at the two stores I went to in Michigan nor at the one I went to today. I gave up. I needed bras, pronto. So I just bought two, plus two shirts for work. Of course I was attracted to the shiny, semi-skanky date tops. My mantra was “cover the girls for work.” Sigh. It was quite the challenge, let me tell you. I ended up with two shirts but when I got home and tried one on again, I thought it may be too low-cut for work. And if I’m thinking that, it is too low-cut for work. Sigh. This what I ended up with:
I couldn’t find a photo of the too-low-cut shirt. Oh well.
I woke up a little past 9 a.m., and ever since then I have been watching “Sunday Morning” on CBS. The same program my dad has watched for years and that I hated. But here I sit. In my (lame) defense, there was a short segment about Bill Clinton, about lying, no less; and now, there’s a feature about Stevie Nicks. I love Stevie but I have a much greater (and different) kind of love for Lindsey Buckingham. He’s almost 60 and he’s still hot. The REAL reason I’m watching was a short preview clip about a bracket of the “worst” love songs ever. All I had to hear was “All out of love” by Air Supply and I was hooked — I love me some bad love songs and I love me my Air Supply. Ooh synergy — Fleetwood Mac AND Bill Clinton at his first inaugural gala.
Ok, moving on. Well, I don’t have anything to move on to. Oh, except for NYC Watchdog’s request for me to do something unspeakable with a Cadbury egg. He’s trying to garner support. Don’t give in. I told him I’m not slutty on the internet, only one-on-one. Although that’s not entirely true, now that I think about it. But still. It’s a Cadbury egg!
So what the hell have I been doing since my site was down, you may be asking yourself.
The answer: Not fucking much. Thursday night I met my girls Gigi and Jade for Mexican and margaritas, then we went over to another friend’s house for an Arbonne “party.” For you single men out there, these product parties are just guilt trips to make you buy some shit from your friend. But I do like Arbonne and ended up buying a new line, Intelligence (and, no, it wasn’t just for the name). I got a ton of bonus crap and I’m all about the gifts. I had another margarita and it was delish. I love me my margaritas. I do I do I do.
Friday, I felt like shit. I’m blaming my seasonal allergies and the weather, not the tequila lol. I did take an Aleve before I went to bed Thursday night. But, I did manage to have a kick-ass workout Friday evening, which pleased me. I was sweating like a motherfucker but no more huffing and puffing like I’m going to die right then and there.
Today, I slept in, did some stuff around the apartment, then went to the gym. Today was pain-in-the-ass workout day. 20 minutes of hard cardio, 20 minutes of strength training, 20 more hard minutes of cardio. I showered and got dressed there then went off to Wal-Mart. I could not stop sweating. OMG. I had beads of sweat on my forehead the whole time I was at the store. When I finally dragged in all the groceries, I had to wipe my face off. Fortunately, not too long after, it started to rain and the humidity broke. I did get asked out to dinner tonight, but it was a last-minute thing and I had (a) already eaten and (b) my dinner was not sitting well with me. Just my luck, I buy chicken at the fucking Super Wal-Mart and it’s going to kill me …
Monday, I’m driving to and from Chicago. In one day. That’s about 7 hours in the car. All to sit in on a training session at a school so I can learn more about the product I’m writing two courses on. The training isn’t until 3 p.m. my time (Chicago is an hour behind) so it’s going to be a long-ass day. I have to go into work to pick up my car — Hertz is dropping it off — and I guess I’ll do whatever until it’s time to leave.
I can’t believe I have such a busy week ahead … Chicago on Monday, writing class on Tuesday, hair cut/color Wednesday night (yay, red streaks!) and then dinner and a play with colleagues on Thursday. I’m going to wear my kick-ass black and white dress, which should look super kick-ass with my new hair color. It’s time to update the photo on my weight loss page and fortunately, one of my coworkers is a major albeit sometimes creepily surreptitious photographer. I have one picture he took of me probably 3 1/2 years ago, one in which the former flame and I are talking by a pool. The photographer chose to stand behind some bushes giving it a very tabloid feel. That got people talking …
Apparently my site was the cause of all of the problems with the server. One of my plug-ins, which I use to assign post levels, was wreaking havoc even though it’s supposed to be compatible with WP 2.1. Ugh. But everything should be ok now.
Ok, figured out how to get my mail through Outlook. Sheesh!
Oh yeah. Like when someone falls off the bed, the cat jumped on the bed, or one of those kama sutra positions is too damn difficult to figure out!
4. EVER CRY DURING SEX? IF SO WHY?
Yes, but rarely.
5. DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE AFTER SEX?
Oh yeah, but I have to be on my side with my back to him.
6. EVER REGRET SEX WITH SOMEONE?
Yes — it was too soon.
7. EVER FAKED AN ORGASM?
Oh yeah. But I don’t anymore. It’s not worth it.
8. DIRTY TALK, OR SHUT THE FUCK UP?
Miss Monique has quite the foul mouth.
9. EVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX?
A very long time ago.
10. EVER MASTURBATE TO YOUR FRIEND’S SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
Eww.
11. EVER HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND?
I tried … and it dragged on for two damn years.
12. EVER HAVE A THREESOME?
But of course.
13. EVER WATCH PORN DURING SEX?
Yes.
14. EVER THOUGHT OF SOMEONE ELSE DURING SEX?
Yes, but not in a very long time …
15. HAS THE CONDOM EVER BROKEN?
When I was in college, a red Gold Coin condom broke and half of it stayed inside until the next morning. When I saw it in the toilet, I freaked out and for a moment thought I was dying or something.
16. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING SEXUAL EXPERIENCE?
Does the name “Pastor Carl” ring a bell?
17. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY?
20.
18. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH RIGHT NOW?
Ha. No one.
19. DO YOU THINK THAT NUMBER 18 IS POSSIBLE?
Definitely. I don’t even have to do anything.
20. ARE YOU HORNY NOW?
No. I can thank the Wellbutrin for that.
21. HOW MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS?
Takes two hands to count ‘em.
22. DO YOU LIKE SEX IN THE CAR?
Making out, yes. Sex, no.
23. DO YOU STILL TALK TO THE PERSON YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY TO?
Unfortunately, yes. After 9 years together and 2 apart, it seems like something comes up every few months to talk to him about.
24. EVER HAVE SEX WITH A RELATIVE/FRIEND’S SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
No.
25. EVER BEEN WITH A CHEATER?
Does a phone-sex obsession count?
26. TOYS, GOOD OR BAD?
Say it with me: Rabbit!
27. LINGERIE?
I like it, but it has to be my idea. I hate to be obvious … unless I really want to get laid.
28. EVER SLEEP WITH A CO-WORKER?
No, but I came close. Never a good idea to go to a hotel room at 3 a.m. after a long night of drinking.
29. WHERE HAVE YOU HAD SEX?
( )park
( )church
( )cemetery
( )beach
(x)boat
(x)school
( )parent’s bed
( )your bed
(x)car
( )picnic table
(x)kitchen counter
(x)couch/chair
(x)dining room/kitchen table
( )woods (open and/or in a tent)
( )hood of a car
(x)bathroom
(x)shower
(x)bathtub
(x)the other person’s bed
( x)porch/deck/balcony
( )in a house with parents home
( )at a party
(x)on top of the washer/dryer
( )with other people in the room
(x)hotel
( )concert
( )grandparent’s house
( )field
( )bleachers
( )bookstore stock room.
( )linen closet
May I present … my fab-fucking-tastic video clip exploring the wonder that is Peeps! Ok, so in the clip I reference “Easter Candy Sunday” but I was goaded into posting a few days early. Yes, that’s right — NYC Watchdog wants to go head-to-head. Ha. So if you like the post, leave me comments! Or even if you hate it, leave me positive comments! LOL Oh, and be impressed — I even added audio!!!
And … could I look any more ridiculous in this screen capture?!?!? Jeez.
Have you seen the commercials for “The Secret”? I first saw it on The Soup and Best Week Ever and laughed my ass off. But then my friend Chris said he was going to download the movie. And I love a good self-help book, so I downloaded the audiobook the other day. I listened to it all the way home. That’s 270 miles. I didn’t listen to the radio at all. I was transfixed by this book! I won’t give away the “secret,” but it was something I had heard in some classes I took a while back. It makes a lot of sense.
I stopped for lunch in Coldwater, MI and got a cheeseburger and fries from Burger King. I was a little leery of stopping there because I had a car accident after merging back onto the expressway at the same spot when I was 19. I nearly drove into this lake and somehow managed to turn the steering wheel sharply to the left and landed safe and sound.
The state trooper was so impressed with me, she encouraged me to apply to their training school! I still marvel at that story. (And yes, I also see the irony in taking a photo while driving of the spot I had an accident at lol.)
Anyway. So I’m eating my fries, driving and listening to this audiobook, coincidentally the section about how to apply the secret if you are overweight. One of the things was to truly focus on your food while you are eating and not let anything distract you. I had to laugh out loud, because I honestly could not have been doing one more thing while eating.
But I liked the audiobook; I’ll probably watch the movie. Some of it was hokey but I love stuff like this. I also thought about it in terms of my relationships. I was scared of a commitment so I attracted men who didn’t want a commitment. And writing a book — I’ve thought of myself and have been thought of as a writer for so long that I was afraid I would fail or not be any good if I set out to write a book. But what I want most is to be healthy and fit, so that’s what I’m going to focus on …
