All of my sleep over the past three weeks seems to have caught up to me, as it is 2:30 a.m. and I’m awake. To be honest, I’m kinda sick of my bedroom. I’ve spent a lot of time in here lately! Maybe the Cymbalta finally is working, maybe it’s the hour of cardio every day, I don’t know. But at least today I felt more like me than I have in quite some time. And along with that feeling is another feeling that it is time to clean house. Not literally, ’cause y’all know that I hate to do that. But metaphorically or whatever shit you want to call it.

My passive-aggressive post the other day with the stats was directed at Ryan. Yes, Ryan aka BoyToy. I know, I have sworn off of him how many times? But maybe it’s the Cymbalta, maybe it’s the cardio, maybe it’s me starting to lose weight, but what I have known all along is staring me in the face: He. Is. A. Dumbass. It doesn’t matter how much fun we had together, how good the sex was, whatever. He. Is. A. Dumbass. I’m tired of being in the shadows. I’m tired of him only wanting to be with me on his terms. I’m tired of his excuses. I’m tired of his inconvenient memory. And I’m really fucking tired of his fucking Penn State clothing, which seems to be the only fucking clothing that he owns.

*Claps hands, opens palms*

I’m out.

So what led me to this point, finally? About two weeks ago, I e-mailed him and asked him what he was doing on the 21st. I received an offer for super-cheap Pacers tickets. He said he probably wasn’t doing anything but his friend Steve bought tickets for either that game or the one that following Sunday, and he would check with Steve. And … that was that. No, “I can’t go.” No, “I don’t want to go.” No nothing. And the ass was even signed into Yahoo Messenger on the night of the 21st so he was even home! It was at that moment that I thought, Monique, what the fuck are you doing? You are letting this guy treat you like shit. And for what? A few orgasms? Please.

Consider this step three, after joining Weight Watchers and committing to working out, in my “Be Good to Monique” plan for 2007. ‘Cause any man who doesn’t want to be with me both in public and in the bedroom ain’t being good to Monique.

∗ Posted by Monique on 02.28.2007
∗ Annoyances, Love life, Monique's favorites, My life