So Monday I left home bright and early — 6:30 a.m. to be exact — which was super cool, considering we ended up spending 45 minutes on the fucking plane “waiting for paperwork.” Once that crisis, later determined to be Super Bowl related, was over, we flew to Chicago — and I had roughly 10 minutes before my next flight left. So I ran — I repeat, I RAN — about 15 gates, bypassing Starbucks, bypassing restaurants, and made it on the plane. And then we sat for TWO FUCKING HOURS on the plane. OMG. It was unbelievable. We couldn’t get off, just had to sit. The issue this time was that it was too cold to fuel the plane. Uh huh. This delay also was determined to be Super Bowl related, as so many people had called in sick at O’Hare. Gah. Anyway, “A Very Good Year” with Russell Crowe is a very bad movie, but “Marie Antoinette” was pretty good. The flight attendants started the first movie while we were on the tarmac. That’s never a good sign.

Anyway, the conference was ok; the time difference was rough. The temperature was about 80 when we arrived, but dropped to the low 60s on the other days. I know, whine whine, but it was cold and damp. I only had one night of mischief, as I consumed somewhere between eight and 10 (best guess) raspberry lemontinis. I had not been that drunk in a very long time. I was stumbling, laughing and generally having a very good time. About 15 of us ended up at a karaoke bar next to the restaurant and across from the hotel, and I stayed there until 1:30 a.m. (4:30 a.m. at home). I danced with young men named Emilio and Jorge, who I think were gigilos, as Emilio was dancing with me just to find out which of my friends were gay. Of course, at the time, the conversation made perfect sense. I also ended up, despite my protestations, dancing multiple times with a colleague. It was a bit uncomfortable, as he holds himself out to be a devout Christian family man and well, let’s just say I have my suspicions. Anyway, we did a very poor imitation of the two-step to some drunk guy singing “Forever and Ever Amen” by Randy Travis.

Not once, not twice, but three times I was asked, by different colleagues who don’t see me very often, variations of “Why are you so quiet?” The first time I laughed it off, the second time it wasn’t so easy and the third time concerned me. I’ve known for a while that something isn’t quite right with me and after last weekend’s dramatics, I started to think more about it. It’s not that I’m unhappy, but I’m definitely not happy, and I don’t really have reason to not be. But I’ve gone through this enough to my life to realize what it is and what to do about it. And this will all seem very familiar to you or it won’t.

I took this photo with my phone the first night I arrived in California, from my balcony.

I love the ocean. It brings me peace. Tuesday morning, a friend and I took a 40-minute walk up and down the beach. It was glorious. The waves, the water, the big rocks …

But it is very very nice to be home.

∗ Posted by Monique on 02.09.2007
∗ Drinking, Friends, My life, Work