January 2006
Rang in the new year with my surprisingly not-impotent-for-once boyfriend, Mark. I was pissed b/c his cable wasn’t hooked up yet and I couldn’t watch Dick Clark. He met my friends, then broke up with me a week later. I vented publicly and then cried. All in all, not a good month.

February 2006
Still smarting from the break-up, I didn’t eat for a week and then developed a sinus infection. Oh yeah, I was on a roll. But my brother and NYC Watchdog both threatened to kick Mark’s ass, so that was nice. I got the second inkling that my therapist may be a whack job. One of my good friends started dating a con man. That was bad.

March 2006
I started going out with Scott, a guy who I originally thought was “too nice” for me. Ha. We got off to a slow start but things went ok. For a few weeks at least. But before it all fell apart, he did call me out on not making myself vulnerable emotionally. I tried to make a joke of it, ha. Eh, kind of a slow month.

April 2006
In one of my most popular posts, I recounted the tragic tale of Pastor Carl, he of the smallest wee wee ever. Then Scott gave me $100 to buy lingerie. That was kinda weird. The relationship ended before he had a chance to see the garter belt and 5″ heels I bought with his cash. Oh well. The con man saga continued. I had an awkward run-in with Ryan and his father. Then I got pissed off and gave Ryan my blog address.

May 2006
So Ryan made his way through my blog archives. That was mildly horrifying for me. I declared my intent to have a great ass. Ryan dared to come over to my apartment wearing sandals and socks. The photo still makes me shudder. I attended my first wedding since getting divorced and decided the thought of remarriage made me feel ill. I fixed my own smoke detector, disclosed my struggles with depression, took an HIV test, nearly broke both my legs in a bathing incident, compiled the obligatory 100 things about me list, and ran into someone from my former life as a Sunday School teacher. Busy month.

June 2006
I started out the month by breaking up with my therapist. Crazy biatch. What I was looking for in a relationship started to become more clear, but then went right ahead and had some good sex anyway. (But a week later, I was pissed off at the lucky gent again.) I had a few run-ins with my ex-husband, first about taxes and then about some lame-ass text messages he and his then-gf sent me. In more fun, I had to ask my parents for money. My second job provided me with some entertainment, my co-worker taught me a new phrase, plus I learned what a corn-hole toss is.

July 2006
On the 3rd, I celebrated a very special day — my one year blogiversary spectacular. I received a drunken txt from a coworker, an e-mail from my ex-bf Mark pimping his latest community theatah project and a lot of sympathy for yet another night spent moping over my ex. I found out that I wasn’t pregnant, mocked the new use of my childhood bedroom, and nearly was charged $300 for shipping from IKEA. I mourned the marriage of my favorite WT crush, Kid Rock and won a contest on one of my favorite sites. Eh, the humidity must have slowed me down in July … Oh wait, I did have my first (and only, I think) protected post. And so few of you took the opportunity to read it. Sigh.

August 2006
I started out the month by complaining about how few people asked for the password to my first protected post. Ryan and I discussed porn and Kriss Kross. I cried over “The Life Aquatic,” the last movie my ex and I saw together; I canceled a date and felt kinda bad about it; I nearly died walking 5 miles; and I bemoaned my lack of anonymity. My ex showed up at my tanning salon and then saw him again (or so I thought). I came down with tonsillitis, finally went back to work and then went back to the doctor for a shot in the ass. I started feeling better, but then had an allergic reaction on the same day I had to give a major presentation. Obviously feeling better, I was in the middle of an intimate encounter when my cat intruded. That was awkward. My hairstylist cautioned me against sex while on antibiotics while my friend walked in on her ex-husband jacking off.

September 2006
Once again, I thought about leaving this site, or at least taking a little break. I had blue toenails, went floating to relax, had to deal with seeing my ex at yet another work event, and started seeing lots of people from my past. I went to a play and saw one more person. Crazy. Then, a jackass from the past resurfaced, I wrote a few haiku and I wondered if I qualified as “quirkyalone.” Reggie lost his brush-brush, my therapist called - again, and someone tried to break into my apartment. Good times.

October 2006
I got a new job plus made a date with my ex-husband. I learned numerology, went on the date with my ex and then talked about the experience some more. I reposted the reason why I love NYC Watchdog, as well as lyrics to a really good song that fits my mood a lot. My birthday was celebrated with balloons, lots of balloons, and a party. Ryan and I stopped seeing each other. Again. I talked to a drag queen, learned a new song, got very drunk and went dancing, then got mad at myself and realized I was a bitch. In a bad way.

November 2006
I started out the month with a business trip to Atlanta. Then, my mom gave me crap, but what else is new? I attended a class called “controlling your clutter, which, fyi, hasn’t worked yet. My ex called to tell me he was promoted, again and my brother e-mailed me a very wise message about not getting involved again with the ex. I found an old post that resonated with me and answered one of the dumbest questions ever at work. Despite being “too busy” to go out, my ex continued to do stupid shit, like send more lame-ass text messages. I had a date and it was a dud. Ryan showed up again, my parents discussed Xzibit, I went to Vegas and won some cash.

December 2006
I supported Global Orgasm Day and recorded first-ever audio post. I discovered I am a Tantric Master, trotted out my first high school column, posted my phone number, and wrote about my continued feeling of … blah. More crap from the ex, I confronted an ex-boyfriend, and bought myself a sweet-ass coffee maker. My brother gave me an awesome Steve Seagal clip to put up for Christmas then my dad gave us really weird Christmas presents. Finally, NYC Watchdog said some really nice things about me. I’m no. 2 on his list, yo.

∗ Posted by Monique on 12.31.2006
∗ Accomplishments, Blogging, Drinking, Friends, Love life, Monique's favorites, My life, The past