The greatest of all the ninos.”

I remember when Chris Farley died. I always had a bit of a crush on him. Funny, troubled, charming — right up my alley, or at least the type that used to be right up my alley. He also kinda reminded me of my dad, albeit much younger. The “best of” Chris Farley was on E! last night. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen it, but it still makes me laugh until I cry. I remember reading that Chris Farley’s last visitor before he died was a hooker. That always seemed so sad to me.

So 2006 is over, just about. Putting together my year-end wrap-up, I was bothered a bit that so much of my year seemed to revolve around my relationships with men. It was almost like I was trying out a new “me” and now I’m Monique 3.0 — better than before but kind of like the old me. I’m still trying to figure out the “adult” me and what it means to be a 30-something woman when most of my life I’ve relied on my intelligence and humor to charm, leaving my appearance and sex appeal a distant third. And that’s not really fair to me. I’m far more comfortable with being called “cute” than “pretty,” although I’ve been told that I’m pretty enough times that I (kind of) believe it. NYC Watchdog referred to me as “totally the girl you bring home to mom.” At first, I was like, oh my god, that’s so domestic, I left that all behind. But you know what? He’s right. I’ve lived the past two years like I’m this bad girl of sorts, when I’m so not. I’m just me. And I am cute and endearing and the girl you bring home to mom — but that doesn’t mean that I can’t be the total vixen that I think I am. So that’s why my resolution for 2007 is “be good to Monique.” The word “should” is hereby banished from my vocabulary and especially from that inner voice that I’ve had all my life, the voice that sounds like my mother. A friend told me that I just need to do whatever the fuck I want and stop caring so much about what other people think — and he’s right. So, so right.

Btw, Some Girl came up my resolution, the only one for me that I got. Some of y’all sent me your resolutions, which was cute. Especially those of you who resolved to read my blog more. Flattery gets you everywhere with me, ya know. I don’t even know what I want 2007 to bring. I’m already happy, I’m already healthy, I’m already okay.

I’m going to see “Dream Girls” this afternoon. I love that “And I Am Telling You” song. God, how I love it. I love it so much, it should be banned from all talent shows. Nine-year-old kids singing about heartbreak? Not so much. The version I’ve heard from the film isn’t as good as the original, but how could it be? Miss Jennifer Holiday can sing. Enjoy, ’cause I’m staying and you’re gonna love (deep breath) me.

Edited to Add: “Dream Girls” was great. There was only one super-cheesy movie-musical moment, this ridiculous group version of “We are a family.” After “I Am Telling You,” I had to wipe away a tear and many people in the audience broke out into applause. Eddie Murphy also was very good — I love comedians in more serious roles. Beyonce didn’t even get on my nerves. Money well spent!

∗ Posted by Monique on 12.31.2006
∗ My life