Adventures in Cat-Mommyhood

Tonight I was supposed to take both of my cats in for their vaccinations. Um, not so much. Mr. Man popped right into his carrier like the good boy he is. Reggie, on the other hand, acted like a cartoon cat, bracing himself against the carrier and refusing to let me push his tubby kitty behind in the carrier. After three attempts, I gave up and let Reggie hide behind my china cabinet. Mr. Man suffered through not one but two rectal probings plus a multitude of shots. I’ll have to drag Reggie’s ass back sometime next week. My friend has offered to watch the cats while I’m gone for Christmas, but if there’s a chance of heavy snow, I’m going to send them to the kennel. Mommy and daddy are paying anyway.

Last week I sent Ryan a Christmas card (the same cute pink and green cards I sent to those of you on my blogger list. A-dor-a-ble!). As a point of clarification, Ryan insists that “talk is talk,” meaning that we were just talking, it didn’t mean anything, despite him turning just about every conversation to some sexual event from our past. Ok, back to the card. In addition to the regular Xmas message, I wrote, “‘Talk is talk’ but all talk and no action bores me. Let’s either go out or end this once and for all.” The thought of us dating seems to throw him into a fit of hives, which is what I was counting on. Instead, I got this instant message yesterday: “Thanks for the card! : )” Oh. My. God. I nearly fell off my fucking couch. That, my friends, sums up the entire relationship between me and Ryan. Today, I replied to the IM with one of my own: “Not the expected response to the card, but whatever, you’re welcome.” Ryan has managed to do what I did not think possible: Make the thought of having sex with him utterly unappealing. Bravo, big guy. Bravo. (Please salute the demise of this relationship with a dramatic slow clap. Thank you.)

In other news, I finally figured out why my internet connection was so sketchy — my Christmas tree! Now I have to find a new place for my four-foot-tall, pre-lit, Martha Stewart special. Ooh la la.