Flew into Vegas today. The flight was nearly 30 minutes late getting in, so that meant over 4 1/2 hours on the plane. Good times.

I’m pooped. Lots of running around today. I’m not sure that I like what Vegas does to me. I had three rum-and-diet-cokes plus spent about $30 gambling (all gone). We gambled at Paris, Caesars and Bellagio. Maybe I’m just melancholy and tired but Vegas doesn’t seem nearly as cool as it did when I was 23. Then again, I’ve been awake for 19 hours and everything may look bright and shiny and new tomorrow.

I’ve been doing some thinking lately, about my life and what I want for myself. I don’t wany any more half-assed gestures, that’s for sure. It irritates me that Ryan sent me those instant messages because it forced him to the forefront of my mind. It also irritates me that my ex has been acting in such a half-assed way. Both Josh and Ryan have made it clear that their careers are their top priorities. I can’t fight that and maybe after 12 years it’s time that I stopped trying.

Why is everything so easy to understand when I’m exhausted? I wish I cut through the bullshit like this all of the time …

∗ Posted by Monique on 11.28.2006
∗ My life