I was clicking on links on different blogs, just to read sites I hadn’t been to before. I somehow stumbled across this young woman’s blog, about her husband’s struggle with cancer. He died. He was only 24. It was heart-wrenching to read, I was in tears.
When I turned 24, I had been married for three months and was completely miserable. Why didn’t I listen to myself? Why didn’t I trust myself? Why didn’t I wait so long to get out? And why did I act so fucking civil — his drunken, offhand txt message about “past mistakes” wounded me more than I care to admit. It was so unnecessarily hurtful and surprising and it made me feel worse that I still spend an occasional evening curled up with my box of tissues, crying for reasons I don’t even fully understand, with no one to replace him like I’ve been replaced.
Oh hell, that’s enough whining. It’s been two years since I left Josh and the others aren’t worth moping over. Sometimes I forget people actually read this shit.
More-upbeat Monique will return in the morning.
| 1.7 |
∗ Posted by 
∗ Love life, The Ex, The past
i don’t even know your facial expressions, and i can assure you that you are not a mistake. i mean, do you want to have a replacement for him like he has? we’re talking about the “my man” woman here, right? meh. so overrated. my opinion is that his main “past mistake” is that he wasted you since you seem to be the one with more sense than god gave paper towels. i say go for an upgrade.
i’m all curled up and weapy for my own reasons which i don’t fully understand either. pass the chocolate.
Comment by
kat (Who am I?) - July 11, 2006 2:46 am
Hey, I like Monique whether she is upbeat or weepy. We’ll always be here to listen and ready to help in any way we can.
Hang in there. Better times are coming!
Comment by
Mr. Fabulous (Who am I?) - July 11, 2006 7:20 pm
I’ll tell you what his past mistake was… making you miserable and not cherishing every moment he had with you. It’s okay to be sad and depressed… just don’t become a master at it like I have… it’s bad for the complexion… but you know we’re here…
Comment by
NYC Watchdog (Who am I?) - July 11, 2006 8:53 pm
I’m just repeating what the others have said. Its ok to have that moment with the box of tissues. Sometimes it actually helps you feel better. You know that here in the “blogosphere” is where you can vent about things that are bothering you. Say whatever is on your mind. “Strangers” are listening and ready to help.
Comment by
Some Girl (Who am I?) - July 12, 2006 7:38 am
Sometimes I find that things that hit me hard long ago come back on the anniversary of something or when I stumble accross something like you did. I start thinking about me and what could have been or should have been. But don’t feel afraid to write this stuff out. I get apprehensive about doing it myself but hey, it’s got to be said.
Comment by
Ricardo (Who am I?) - July 13, 2006 12:58 am