I thought about not posting this, or password-protecting it, considering Ryan reads this blog, but fuck it. Tonight, after I got home from work, Ryan IMs me that he “may” have a date and asks how I feel. It’s some girl he knew in college or something, who got back in touch with him. He’s not sure if he wants to go out with her or not. He hasn’t dated anyone as long as I’ve known him, or so he’s told me. Then he tells me that if he does go out with her, we would need to take a break because she would “deserve” that much from him.
Wrong thing to say.
I told him that was the key, that some girl he hardly knows “deserves” a break from me, while I don’t even deserve a date. He, of course, doesn’t get it, that all sex and nothing else makes me feel like a low-rent mistress sometimes. He even said he didn’t know if he could give up the sex we have … I told him that was a thought for him to ponder this week. Not that it’s love, or anything close, but the chemistry and “friendship” we have (or I thought we had) doesn’t come along all that often. But, it’s also not irreplaceable. Anyway.
He’s going to be 27 soon and he won’t hang out with the girl he’s fucking? It’s time to fucking grow up.
The sex is great, believe me. But is it worth this unnecessary drama? I’m tired of the excuses … just tired of it. Not sad, not angry, just tired.
And I was thinking today that things were going well with him … Ha.
∗ Posted by Monique on 06.26.2006
∗ Annoyances, My life, Uncategorized
What an ass. Hey Ryan you hear me??? Oh wait… this is a blog… he Ryan do you read me??? U R AN ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monique… lose the incredible sex zero… go get a hero…
BTW… I updated the link… so sorry about that… it slipped my mind.
Comment by NYC Watchdog - June 27, 2006 1:01 am
a friend of mine once asked me what i was going to do when all the guys i was good friends with decided at the same time that they were in love with me and couldn’t live without me. she was full of shit. i knew it at the time, and the guys haven’t been strong enough to step up if they were indeed ever in love with me. waiting for the lightbulb to shine above the guy’s heads has proven for me as well to be a waste of time.
also, i sure don’t date guys my age for similar reasons to what you’re experiencing. then again i haven’t had much luck with any other age group. i’m full of crap. i just wanted to keep you company. hey, at least you can claim being a sex goddess. rock on, you sexy thing! over and out.
Comment by kat - June 27, 2006 3:34 am
Men. Sheesh. There must be SOME mature ones out there…
Comment by Mr. Fabulous - June 27, 2006 6:29 am
He apologized this morning, but the conversation still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. If I knew what I wanted, then I could tell him and we could end it once and for all, or not, but I just know I don’t want this ….
Comment by Monique - June 27, 2006 9:59 am
I really am sorry that things turned out as they did…
The lesson I’ve learned…is that sometimes even though we know what we don’t want, it’s still too hard to figure out exactly what we do want and so we hold on to what we have and wait…not exactly for the other person to have a light bulb moment but for ourselves.
Sometimes we just need the constant no matter how bad it is while we struggle to make sense of what we want…just because it’s better than being alone.
And it’s ok to still want to be with them…as long as you can remember why it is you aren’t exactly “with” them.
No one says you have to give him up…you just may have to give up wanting and/or hoping for more than what you have right now…but is that enough for you?
Comment by Izzy - June 27, 2006 10:20 pm
It’s not that I want more, or that I want less, but I know that I want something different from what I have … and, if nothing else, the last 18 months have shown me that what I have now is what I’ll always have with him. Unless something/someone changes, that is, and it’s not going to be me.
Comment by Monique - June 27, 2006 11:43 pm
You have got to be joking me. Cut this sorry guy loose. Sex is great, It’s great to have sex with out emotional strings, it’s even better to havegreat sex, but it’s not great to have great sex and be treated like crap after.
Blow him off because YOU deserve BETTER than that.
Comment by Nikki - June 29, 2006 9:47 am