I’m re-evaluating a lot in my life right now. I’ve been so busy with both of my jobs that it’s easy for me to cut through the bullshit and see things for what they are. Like, my co-worker, whom I posted about the other day. I can’t see any chance of being friends with her again. I don’t have respect for her personally or professionally, so what’s the point?
I’ve been reading this book, on and off, and it’s quite interesting. It’s a dating book but it’s pretty no-nonsense. One of the main points the authors made was, you know what you can expect from a person. Instead of wasting your time trying to get more, why not look for someone who can give you what you’re looking for? Honestly, that is what started my whole change in attitude. I spent my year and a few months dating, met some guys, had two short relationships (both under 3 months), and what I’m looking for is becoming a lot more clear.
One of the most important qualities, in a friend or partner, is keeping your word. Izzy posted about this on June 2. Don’t half-assed make plans. “We should go see that movie sometime” … and then never follow-up when I say something like, “Yeah, that sounds like fun!” No, either you have the fucking balls/interest to make plans with me or you don’t — and if you don’t, then don’t even mention it in the first place! I’ll go see it myself!
Then there are the text messages … Sometimes it’s cute and fun, like if I’m at work; but otherwise, pick up the damn phone. Am I not worth your minutes??? My cell plan includes 1,000 anytime minutes, and unlimited nights and weekends. I pay $59/month. It’s worth it. Look into it, text-messagers!
I guess my rant is all about getting “crumbs” from someone, or only the bare minimum effort a man must expend to keep a girl around. I know, from experience, that if a man wants to talk to me, he will reach me. I know, also from experience, that if a man wants to go out with me, he will ask me. And until I meet a man who will call me and who will ask me out, then I am going to go on living my fabulous little life and enjoying the time alone — because someday I will be once again coupled up and will long for the days when I could spend a Sunday shopping, napping and bitching, with only myself for company!
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∗ Posted by 
∗ Love life, My life, The past
Well, you certainly deserve more than crumbs, my friend. And if I were younger, and you were older, and we lived somewhere else, and I wasn’t married and a bunch of other things were completely different…I still wouldn’t be the one to do it because you would probably still be out of my league LOL.
Thanks for the lemur email, though. We’ll always have that
Comment by Mr. Fabulous - June 4, 2006 7:26 pm
I was even shocked by that one and I was the one living it and then to have followed it up with the Sir William episode, I thought OMG maybe I have finally learned a lesson or two…of course the other one, sort of ruins that theory but two out of three ain’t bad!
At this point…I’m beginning to realize that I deserve a hell of alot more than what has recently been offered but the hurdle I have to overcome, is having enough patience to wait for it and enough good sense to recognize it when it finally arrives.
Comment by Izzy - June 4, 2006 9:03 pm
the whole “keeping promises” is essential for me and anyone i’m considering beign friends or more with. If someone breaks a promise…ooooo. not good.
also, i don’t even bother to have a cell phone. if someone wants to call me i have a home phone with an answering machine. then again i don’t get many dates…which could be seen as not wasting my time i suppose.
congratulations on elevating your standards! it’s always a good idea.
Comment by kat - June 4, 2006 10:17 pm
I hate to say this, but the whole ‘keeping promises’ thing is a major part of how I understand the playing of ‘the game.’
I want a companion who will be an equal. Not someone who is needy or clingy. To test this, I make plans with her and then call her about fifteen minutes before to blow it off - always with the lamest excuse, ‘I just don’t feel like it, talk to ya later.’
If they go ballistic, I figure I’m dodging a bullet. My current friend said, ‘whatever, I’ve got some friends who wanted to go out tonight anyways.’ We’ve been inseperable ever since.
Comment by Aurelius - June 4, 2006 11:04 pm
Hi, i found you via Grins and this post resonated with me a lot. I have learnt the hard way that a guy that is worthy of your time is one that will put in the effort. Text messages are a source of major irritation and they have become a very poor substitute for real communication. At the end of the day, guys don’t need to spend months or years even to decide if they like you or to decide when they want to make the effort. They just do. I’m glad that you aren’t willing to accept the crumbs as that’s half the battle
Comment by NML - June 5, 2006 10:47 am
well aurelius, i have had that scenario happen to me. in those instances i don’t raise a fuss at all; i just don’t make future plans with the individual.
i want an equal partner and nobody fussy as well. i guess it’s just a differing point…
Comment by kat - June 5, 2006 1:07 pm
I agree, I work 2 jobs and have 1 day a week that I have to myself, I try and not plan anything on that day except me time. I work a night job on the weekends, so dating needs to be a bit more creative than a Friday or Saturday night at the bar…
If he is only sending you text msg…LOOOSE him. He is 1/2 azzing his way in the dating world. If he is texting you things like, cant wait to see you, then that is cute and sweet.
What happened to the men that would open my door (not that I can’t, it just good mannors) pay for the meal he asked me out for and invited engaging questions for conversation.???
Im’ w/ you I would rather be alone than deal w/ the dating BS that gets in the way of getting to KNOW the other person.
While I realize there is SOME give and take it needs to be shown on an equal level or it’s just not worth my time.
Don’t look back w’ your co-worker. She is a user and like in 13going on 30 “Tom Tom” will get what is coming to her!
Thanks for having me here on your blog!
Comment by Superstar - June 5, 2006 4:36 pm