This part of the post was written on May 18:
I’m taking an HIV test.
Although I am fairly sure the results will be negative, I still am terrified. I have only had unprotected sex a few times, and that was back in the early days of my marriage. We both were virgins before dating each other and I was on the pill. But, eventually, I got too freaked out about the possibility of getting knocked up so back to the Trojans it was.
I actually have been thinking about being tested for quite a while, but wasn’t sure where to go. Some tests are confidential, some are anonymous — I wanted anonymous. A friend pointed me in the direction of the home-testing kits and I paid $59.99 for the test that promises results in three days. ($20 extra was worth it not to have to wait a week.) I won’t take the test until Monday, because weekends don’t count towards the three-day window.
I — who am terrified of needles and blood — will have to prick my own finger. Yikes. If I can’t go through with it, I guess I’ll be a wuss and call my diabetic friend to stab me.
May 25:
So I took the test. It was a kind of an ordeal — despite pricking my finger twice, I couldn’t fill the sample circle fully but sent in my test anyway. I called tonight — and my heart was beating through my chest.
Negative.
Thank God.
I have known people with HIV. They all were infected by deceitful partners. People they loved and trusted who were sleeping around. While HIV isn’t the death sentence it was 20 years ago, it ultimately will take these people before their time.
Look, I know, sex feels better without a condom. My ex-husband and I went without in the early days of our marriage. But unless you are in a committed, monogamous relationship and you’ve both tested negative at least twice, with tests taken at least six months apart, you’re at risk — and realistically, you’re at risk no matter what. Just be smart and protect yourself, ok?
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Thank goodness you tested negative!! I had to go through yearly tests as a child because of bloodtransfusions I received and it was always scary.
Comment by Devilish Girl - May 26, 2006 11:03 am
Even while in a committed, monogamous relationship, you are essentially betting your health against your sense of trust and who you believe the person you are with is.
I know that before each test I’ve taken…I’ve always said a little prayer that with all my poor judgement when it comes to the opposite sex, that I at least wasn’t wrong in believing that I truly was the only one dumb enough to have been with them.
Oh…and congratulations on testing negative!
Comment by Izzy - May 26, 2006 12:33 pm
Glad to hear your free and clear of anything. I’ve taken them to be safe as well because you really never know. You don’t have to be sleeping around to get something either. The waiting time is what killed me the most. When the answer was no I felt great. More people should take them.
I may have destroyed any chance of meeting a woman in the blogosphere by admitting this but so be it.
Comment by Ricardo - May 26, 2006 12:50 pm
good you are negative.
i’ve had my blood tested 3 times, more a routine thing than anything (during pregnancy) and even though i knew i really didn’t have to worry, i still did.
m
Comment by mollymcmommy - May 26, 2006 4:02 pm
Doesn’t that feel good to see or hear that negative on the test? Congrats on taking it although I just let my doctor give it to me.
Comment by Grins - May 26, 2006 8:37 pm
i heave a sigh of relief everytime i see my results are negative. that and i open a bottle of wine.
glad to hear it was negative!
Comment by shrewness - May 26, 2006 8:43 pm
everytime it’s so fucking terrifying.. even when you think you “know” there is always that small bit of not knowing. i’m happy you’re negative- and it’s good to always be safe. i donate blood regularly and they do all those tests everytime. so far, so good. *knocks on wood*
Comment by jennster - May 27, 2006 1:32 am
You are a very brave person and a very smart person as well. Brave for writing about your ordeal here and smart for getting tested.
I myself get tested once a year, whether i have had sex or not. I work in the health care field so I am always around the possibility of being exposed to blood or body fluids. I also know what its like to be exposed to someones blood. I have had 5 HIV tests in the past year and all are neg. Now that was a stressfull time. But all is better now.
Comment by Frankie - May 28, 2006 9:09 pm