Than the tears of a clown, when there’s no one else around.”
I heard that song the other day. I quickly changed the station, but not before I heard that line. (I grew up in the Detroit area, but that doesn’t make me a Motown fan!)
I had this comment left on my site. She’s right.
Ryan and I had an odd exchange last night by text message and then IM. He sent me a txt while I was at work, presumably to find out my availability for sex. Once I got out of work, I replied; he txted more. By this point, I was home drinking my wine and eating ice cream. After two glasses of wine, seeing him seemed like an okay idea, I wasn’t totally opposed. But he didn’t see it that way.
He sent me a txt that he was home and I told him to call next time, instead of wasting time txting.
Ryan: what would of calling done? nooooooothin
Monique: ???
Ryan: nevermind
Monique: could have gotten you some lol
Ryan: suuure
Monique: ok whatever!
Ryan: ya exactly. enjoy your wine and ice cream
Monique: i’m not sure why you don’t believe me but oh well!
Ryan: oh well is right
Ryan: i am going to bed…talk to you sometime later I guess..bye
Monique: lol what is up with you? I’m not mad at you or anything
Ryan: its ok…nevermind
Ryan: have a good night
Monique: night
Ryan: bye
So then I thought about it for a few minutes, then sent him this after he signed off: “I don’t know if you were drinking tonight, irritated with someone else or what, but if I had no interest I would have said so up front. I’m just going to assume that this whole exchange had little to actually do with me. And ‘talk to you sometime later I guess’? Maybe you’re planning on ending things with me, but I am not planning to end things with you …”
But fuck it, I should end things with him. Just like I should return the money AND the lingerie and shoes to Scott. I mean, yeah, I want to keep the money and yeah, I want to keep the items, but all they’re going to do is remind me of this guy who was fucked up emotionally.
Maybe I really don’t ask for respect. Maybe I just don’t realize it yet because I don’t know what I’m missing. Fuck. I have been through this so many times with Ryan before and still, it hurts. But to be completely honest, I think it’s the prospect of not knowing when I’ll have sex again that is the most upsetting! And that should say it all ….
| 1.7 |
∗ Posted by 
∗ Let's get it on
After awhile…the fact that she is pretty much always f*@king right becomes rather annoying.
The only saving grace is that she’s sometimes wrong in her own life…lol.
All I can say…is that sometimes, for whatever the reason, you just aren’t ready to let go even when deep down you know you should and sometimes you just have to take the long way around, no matter how much more difficult or painful it may be simply because it’s the only way you know.
I personally, pray that someday, I get a better sense of direction and it leads me to the good will where I will finally be able to part with some of the clutter.
Comment by Izzy - April 29, 2006 10:56 pm
Hey, I love youir site. Interesing stuff! I am on my lunch hour and just happened upon it! I will be back for more!
Comment by LookinginmyRearviewMirror - May 2, 2006 12:59 pm