Aside from using a nom de plume, I don’t make much of an effort anymore to hide myself in this blog. I’m pretty open. My friends have this website address, although I don’t think they read it very often as they’re privy to the info in real time.
I did something tonight I never thought I’d do: I sent Ryan the site address.
Things seem to be reaching the end of the road with him, and while he has remained amazingly detached emotionally throughout our affair, I haven’t been so “lucky.” Yeah, I have/had feelings for him. Could I picture him in my life forever? No. But I guess I always thought it would turn out differently than it has. It all just seems so sad and empty now.
Good enough to fuck but nothing else isn’t a title I want anymore.
So, Ryan, I don’t know how far you’ll read or even if you’ll read at all. But you mentioned last week that you liked it that I was more “open” — read enough of this blog and you’ll find out some things about me you probably won’t like. But I don’t really care. Our relationship has been shallow and insincere. If you want more, you have to step up to the plate. But you haven’t changed in 18 months, so why expect anything different now?
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My opinion: It’s time to move on. You deserve a lot better. And you shouldn’t have to settle.
Comment by Mr. Fabulous - April 29, 2006 8:03 pm
hi Doll super blog!:)
Comment by Wally Banners - April 29, 2006 9:00 pm
Because I know you care about him (and because underneath it all I am a hopeless romantic), I hope that your words are enough to kick his ass right up to the plate but if not…f*@k him (just not literally, no matter how much you want to…lol).
I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you…
Comment by Izzy - April 29, 2006 10:41 pm
Wow. You told Ryan. I’m not sure what is more overcoming… fear or glee?
Fear because… well we all know what has happened to those who have went public or even semi-public about their blogs. Even I have documented my issues about what happened when I did that. I hope it goes better for you.
Glee because this means you can finally wear the t-shirt and be as scandalous as you want!!!
Comment by New York City's Watchdog - April 29, 2006 11:03 pm
Probably should of read my own comments before leaving mine for you…lol.
So I guess I will be uncrossing my fingers…or…?
I am the last person in the world who should be giving you advise in this situation but…that really isn’t going to stop me…lol.
Ask yourself three questions…1. What are you getting out of the relationship? 2. Are you satisfied with the answer to number one? 3. And if not, how long are you willing to wait (put your life on hold) for the man to turn number two’s answer into a yes?
And just keep in mind, that he is a man, chances are if the answer to number two is ‘no’ and the answer to number three is not ’til the end of time’…your screwed.
As for me, although I can be a little shaky with dimples too, my weak spot has always been good hands…which is why I’m probably going to need to borrow your paddle soon…lol.
Just kidding…this time around (in keeping with my own advice), I have two very good reasons.
Comment by Izzy - April 30, 2006 1:18 pm
Wow, you’re brave. I would never have the nerve to share my blog with anyone that knows me personally. Ryan’s in for some major realizations when he reads it. BTW, it sounds like you deserve much better than him. I know ending things are easier said than done…people become a habit.
Comment by Country Girl - April 30, 2006 3:25 pm