No, not one of mine lol. Remember this guy? Things have been going south with him and my friend S; I haven’t heard all of the details yet, but sS told me today her sister is very suspcious of him and he’s upset that she hasn’t stood up for him. I asked S if her sister had reason to be suspicious, and the reply was one that women everywhere should be familiar with: A sigh, followed by “I don’t know …”

Out of curiosity, I went to match.com tonight and first looked up Mark’s profile (no longer listed) then typed in S’s bf’s user name. His ad had been down before — but now it’s back up! What a dick.

Guess he’s looking for the next one. Poor S. It’s so difficult to watch a friend make bad decisions — esp. b/c this relationship has affected her work life too. I may be a train wreck sometimes, but that doesn’t mean I want other people to be too …

In other news, I saw my therapist today for the first time in about five weeks. I was recapping my weekend — complete with the parents, Scott and Ryan — and she was floored when I mentioned the $100 for lingerie. First, she was just creeped out. Then I could tell, throughout the hour, she was thinking about that, as she kept bringing it up. To her, the cash offering was an insult to me and my worth as a person; that Scott and I didn’t have a level of intimacy in our relationship commensurate with the purchasing of lingerie; and the entire act was disconnected and devoid of any emotion, other than perhaps lust.

She thinks I should return the money.

I protested, saying it was his damn idea and he shouldn’t have given me the $$ if he had been thinking about breaking up with me.

She countered that it’s not about the money at all; that by reducing my value to a dollar amount, he demonstrated a lack of respect for me; and that someone — ie me — needs to tell him that was he did was inappropriate and unacceptable.

I protested still, first complaining that I’m tired of being the one to teach lessons, and then repeating my earlier claim that it was his damn idea, and besides, he makes more money than me so I should get to keep his damn money.

But I see her point.

I was uncomfortable from the get-go with the idea, and talked myself into feeling okay about it because it seemed naughty and fun. But I didn’t want my first time with someone new to be naughty; yes, I like my sex fun and frisky and more than missionary, but once the element of cash was introduced, well, it’s just weird.

But I’m still not sold on the idea. It doesn’t matter, however, what his intentions were — it still was a misguided and inappropriate action for the stage we were at. I always have tried to be open and accepting, but I think I’m too open and accepting sometimes. If a guy weirds me out, then he’s gone — there are too many others out there to put up with a guy’s creepy sexual proclivities.

I know most of y’all will think that I should just keep the money and the lingerie and shoes. But looking back on all of the money he spent on our dates, I feel like he was just purchasing an escort to watch him jack off — and I feel sad for me and for him. Yes, I’m a hell of a date — I’m fun, I’m smart, I’m funny, I’m cute — but I can’t be bought, and certainly not for $100.

∗ Posted by Monique on 04.20.2006
∗ Friends