Can This Day Get Any Worse?

Actually, I am sure that it can and that it will.

My parents and brother are in town. Last night was fine. Today, I drove 90 minutes to the southern part of the state to this fun area that I like. They hated it. My dad sat in the car. My brother barely said 10 words. My mom complained it was hot.

We were there 30 minutes.

I drove 90 minutes back home.

So I had plenty of time to think, and thought, fuck this shit with Scott.

So I called him when I got home.

He was in the car. I pretty much put it out there, and he said, “No, it’s fine.” Then changed the fucking subject to a thunderstorm we had last night. I kept changing the subject back. I finally said, “If you want to end this, it’s fine — just answer one way or the other.”

He said he didn’t want to talk about it in the car and he’d call me back.

What the fuck ever.

Cross him off the fucking list.

Now I have my family to deal with. All I wanted was for us to have a nice day and instead, it was a disaster.

Nice.

Later:

It’s been nearly two hours since I posted this and I haven’t heard from my family or Scott. I actually missed my ex today. He always knew how to deal with my parents and reassure me that I was doing the best that I could. It’s not Scott so much that bothers me — just another example that I should trust my intuition — but I am 31 years old, I have spent more than two years in counseling and still, I am trying to create a family relationship I know is unrealistic. I just really thought today could be a nice day. Instead, it’s 5:45 p.m., I’m at home, they’re at the hotel, and I wouldn’t be suprised if they didn’t even call tonight. What hurts the most is that I try to make the best of it when I’m visiting them. Why couldn’t they have bucked up and at least enjoyed the fucking ride?

I can’t remember the last time I felt so alone.

In an ironic twist, the lingerie I ordered with Scott’s money arrived yesterday. It’s cute. I guess I’ll wear it for Ryan.

I think asking Scott to have dinner with me and my brother really weirded him out. I only asked him because the restaurant was so close to his apartment. I’m hoping I do hear from him at some point, because I’d like to know what changed. Something definitely did, for both of us. Damn it.