Spent all day Saturday with Scott. We went to a touristy part of the state, about an hour’s drive away, to visit the shops (or shall I say, “shoppes” lol). I got to his place about 10:30 a.m. and left about 11:30 p.m., a pretty long time for a date. Needless to say, that much togetherness raised a few eyebrows for me.

Scott makes more money than I do and he almost always, always, always pays when we go out. I think, aside from the time/actual cost of the meal I cooked for him, the only things I’ve paid for when we’ve gone out were two sodas when we stopped at a gas station yesterday. On top of lunch and dinner Saturday — probably $50 total — he bought me two bottles of wine, a jar of feta-stuffed olives I wanted and a pair of Michigan State socks.

I know what you may be thinking, quit whining, Monique, and enjoy the free ride.

But there’s more.

So yesterday we were going at it, and he told me that he wants to wait before we make love. Which is all fine good — except, well, we haven’t been limiting ourself to the chaste kiss here and there. I asked him what the difference was, why there was a distinction between one form of sex and another, as actual intercourse seemed to be the dividing line. He said that he didn’t know why, but there was a distinction for him, even though it didn’t really make rational sense. If he made love to me before he was ready, he would feel horrible, and he didn’t want to feel that way.

Understandable.

But there’s more.

Scott has a fondness for pretty, lacy things — for me to wear, not him lol — and has mentioned this fondess more than once. Yesterday, soon after I got to his apartment, we were kissing, and he stopped and told me he had something for me. He went to his counter and came back with what I could tell were several $20 bills. He handed me the money and told me to buy some things for me to wear for him.

At that moment, it seemed sexy and crazy and cool.

Now it just seems weird.

Like, if he throws $100 my way, I’m going to do what he wants? Like I’ll be fine with him ogling me in lingerie — yet not giving himself fully to me — because he spends a lot of money on me?

But wait, there’s more.

So we were talking about stuff from our past, and he was telling me how his ex would ask him, when they went out to eat, if he had been to that restaurant with someone else. If he replied yes, she would become upset because she wasn’t “special.” He said that he felt like an infant when it came to dating again, and just wanted to spend time with me and see how the feelings we have for each other develop.

I asked him how he felt about what was going on with us, and he said, “I feel really good.” Then he proceeded to list off all these things that I haven’t done, like cause a scene in a restaurant, argue violently with him, talk about marriage on the third date — all things that the ex did, I presume. I said, “I certainly hope that there are things that I have done that you like,” and he seemed confused, then surprised at himself when I pointed out the gist of what he had just said to me.

I don’t know. I’m scared he’s still hung up on her — or at least his guilt over ending the engagement — and I’m just going to be his learning tool, and I’ll end up hurt again. On the plus side, he was very affectionate yesterday in a nonsexual way, taking my hand when we were out in public and putting his arm around me. He even drove yesterday holding my hand.

On the other hand, I told him I was taking my brother out to dinner next weekend and asked Scott if he’d like to join us. (The restaurant, which is one of my favorites, is literally a block and a half fro where Scott lives.) He said he’d have to think about it (???) then added that he thought I was going home to my parents. I said, no, they were coming here, and added I wasn’t trying to get all serious, I just thought he and my brother would get along well. Of course my first thought was, oh hell, he has a date with someone else, but nothing else gave me that impression. Actually, my first thought, after he said he’d have to think about it, was “F–k you.” I’m not going to bring it up again.

∗ Posted by Monique on 04.09.2006
∗ Let's get it on, Uncategorized