- “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel
- “Broken Arrow” by Rod Stewart
- “Running for Home” by Matthew Good Band
- “If You Asked Me To” by Celine Dion
- “Heaven” by Bryan Adams
- “The Flame” by Cheap Trick
- “Faithfully” by Journey
- “Now My Heart is Full” by Morrissey
- “Wonderwall” by Oasis
- “This Guy’s In Love with You” by Herb Alpert
- “Black Balloon” by Goo Goo Dolls
- “Runaway Wind” by Paul Westerberg
- “Midnight Train to Georgia” by Gladys Knight
- “And I Am Telling You” by Jennifer Holiday
- “Southern Cross” by Crosby Stills and Nash
- “Nobody Knows Me” by Lyle Lovett
Songs that break my heart (thanks a lot, previous jackasses) …
- “Get Here” by Oleta Adams - I absolutely can NOT listen to this song. Can’t do it!
- “Stay” by Shakespear’s Sister
- “Heaven” by DJ Sammy
- “Forever” by Kenny Loggins
My date is a box of Kleenex.
I went back to the doctor today. Another prescription for this sinus infection. I blow my nose and my ears hurt. I was watching a movie last night, and looked to my right and there was a pile of tissues that looked like a small mountain. My ex used to call it the “tissue graveyard.”
Speaking of the ex, we never really celebrated Valentine’s Day. Sure, we’d get each other a card and sometimes a gift, but I always felt that it was silly to be nice to each other one day out of the year. I’d rather get a nice card with a heartfelt sentiment than just about anything.
Right now I just want to be able to breathe!
I am so tired. Physically, emotionally drained. Between this three-week sinus infection, dealing with Mark, not eating, I guess I can’t be surprised. But it all came to a head tonight.
First, I got an e-mail from Brian, who thank God, does not know my last name or where I live.
“What the hell are you talking about? I was emotionally exhausted last night! I am dealing with the hardest thing ever. You will need to understand that. I am sorry i did not call last night. But i dont know how in the world you could say anything to me, especially after you little 3 week stunt.”
I have no idea what he is talking about. He just called, too, I let it go to VM. Freakin’ psycho.
At 4:30 p.m., a VP who is not my boss asked me for help on a project she and my boss had been working on. I am responsible for ensuring materials fit our branding standards, and the customer — who is receiving some fabulous stuff for FREE — was pitching a fit. So I had to get on a call with a sales person to figure out what was going on, highlight the changes and then make the changes “right away.” I got it done in less than an hour but was totally stressed out about it.
Then I had to go over to my old house, where the ex put out the last remaining items I had there. I haven’t lived there in over a year but the divorce was amicable and I haven’t been in a huge hurry to clear everything out. Well. the pile was much larger than I expected, and it took me several trips in 20-degree, windy weather to put it all in my car. I don’t know what I’m going to do with it all, and most of it still is in my car because it was too cold to unload it. Of course he left all of these mementos out for us, like a wooden plate that I had commissioned with our names and anniversary date on it. I took most of it, I didn’t want to take the time to go through it all there. The closing on the house is the 28th and I am so ready. I’m sad but damn, I am ready to be done with the life I had with him.
So I got home, ordered a pizza because damn it, I’ve lost 7 lbs in two weeks and I f-ing wanted pizza. By the time I went to Blockbuster, got the pizza and got home, it was 7 p.m. I checked my work e-mail because I’ve learned the hard way that when I don’t, surely something will have happened that is a total disaster. Yep, tonight was one of those nights. We have a customer who is difficult, to put it mildly. I had a red-flag e-mail from him, and CC’d were my senior director, another director, God and everyone. So I had to respond to him, but not before I burst into tears.
Mind you, the past few weeks notwithstanding, I am not really a crier. I mean, I cry every month at least once when I have PMS but that’s about it. And the thing is that no one who reads his insane e-mail is going to think I did anything wrong. I didn’t get the final text until 4:59 p.m., and because I was working on the other “rush” project, thought this one could wait until morning.
I’m sick of it. I want a vacation but I don’t know what I’d do. Maybe another day at the beauty college is in my future …
On the plus side, I heard from Jesse today. He asked twice in four sentences how I’d been. I’ll respond tomorrow but I do think he’s too busy to give me the attention I require. I still wouldn’t mind seeing him again. He’s adorable as hell. Plus he makes a lot of $$. ; )
So Brian calls me tonight, about 8 p.m. We talked for a few minutes, he asked me if I had fun and if I wanted to get together again. I was a bit confused because we already had made plans for dinner tomorrow. Anyway, at like 8:08, he asks if I’m going to be around later because he just realized “The Simpsons” are on. WTF???
Not surprisingly, it’s 9:34 and he hasn’t called back.
Damn it, I really wanted PF Chang’s tomorrow night too.
Jackass.
Update …
It’s 9:55 p.m. I just sent him an e-mail saying, “Since you didn’t call me back, I’m guessing you’re not interested in going out again … not sure what all that was about, but good luck to you.” What is it about a snippy e-mail/letter that makes me feel better? Maybe because I feel clever, which hides the sting of YET ANOTHER rejection??? A rejection from a guy I wasn’t even sure that I liked, mind you!
In a weird twist, Ryan is offering to screen my dates. WTF??? God help me. Of course he has torn apart every guy I’ve shown him.
I had dinner with Brian tonight. He’s very cute, funny, talkative … so why am I not thrilled? Hmmm. Not sure. Well, it could be the fact that we had to talk on the phone like FIVE TIMES today to finalize the plans for tonight. I returned his call from last night; he called me back a little later; he called me again at 6; I called him at 6:30 to tell him I couldn’t get reservations at PF Changs; he called me at 7:20 to ask when we were meeting AFTER we discussed this during the earlier call …
He talked A LOT, about a lot of different things. He just signed a lease today on a new apartment and he was telling me that his friends aren’t thrilled that he’s moving from the west side of the city to the north. He said he’s tired of the drama … and he actually used the phrase “baby mama drama” to describe his relationship with his son’s mother. He gave up drinking with his friends around the first of the year, because he was drinking way too much. Oh and his first serious gf was when he was 15 and he pretty much lived with her and her family after they started dating. “This will show you how much my parents cared about me.” (I was like, dude, my parents wouldn’t even let me go on a DATE until I was 16, let alone have a boyfriend!) Ding, ding, ding … I guess flags don’t ding, but you know what I mean …
I didn’t heed the red flags with Mark and look where it got me. Brian and I already have plans for Monday night, as he asked me out again before I started to process all of this. He wanted to make out in the parking lot, wink wink. Y’all know I was all for that with Mark, but now it just seemed cheap and sad. So we’ll have dinner Monday, I’ll ask him more about the “drama” and we’ll go from there. On the bright side, we saw “Syriana,” which was really good. Plus I got to watch my pretend boyfriend of 20+ years, George Clooney, who looked good despite the extra weight, gnarly hair and icky beard.
A guy who is originally from Brooklyn responded to my e-mail today, and he’d like to meet for a cup of coffee. I liked his profile, he seemed to have a worldview lacking around here. I’ll keep plugging along until Mark — who is showing up as “online now” on match.com at 1 a.m. (and yes I know I need to stop checking!) — is but a distant memory …
I stole this from Julie … check out her blog while you’re at it. Another poor girl struggling with online dating …
So I was supposed to go out tonight with a group of friends — I was the organizer, of course lol — to celebrate three birthdays and my upcoming one-year “divorce-iversary” but two of the birthday boys are sick so we cancelled. I was kinda bummed, even though I’m still getting over my sinus infection, as I had NO plans for the weekend.
Well Brian called me last night — in the middle of the “Arrested Development” minimarathon so of course I didn’t answer! — and I called him back today. He asked what I was doing tonight, as I told him about my wishy-washy plans … after I told him I was just staying home, he said, “Have dinner with me!” This was at 3 p.m. I had showered, but still was wearing a t-shirt, leggings and mismatched socks lol. We’re going to PF Chang’s so at least I don’t have to get too dressed up. Plus I have the sinus infection as an excuse. I’m looking forward to seeing him, I’m just not feeling totally like myself. He seems to have enough personality for both of us.
So much for my plan to wait a while before dating again … !
“Arrested Development,” how I love thee.
Come back soon.
Or at least let Jason Bateman get another acting gig.
I haven’t been this sad since Ricky Schroeder left “NYPD Blue.”
Well, I was more attached to Ricky. But damn, Jason is cute.
to visit my renter for the week, Chelle-Belle!!!
Total bed rest. I still can’t wrap my head around that.
Another reason I just have pets lol.
Remember Brian?
The guy I blew off because I felt guilty?
Well, he just called. We’re going out to dinner on Monday.
And in another blast from the past, Jesse was on my “Who’s Viewed Me” list on match.com. Haven’t heard from him since mid-November. I clicked on his profile, so I’ll show up on his list. Wonder if I’ll hear from him too …
