What would you do if one of your closest friends was going to marry someone they had known for a month?

I’ve known S. for over a year. We work together, we talk all the time, we’ve vacationed together. We’re both divorced, and the 15-year difference in our ages isn’t apparent at all. She’s very youthful and an attractive woman.

We both joined match.com in the spring, and while I was out dating a variety of men, she honed in on one jackass, Jim. Jim was unemployed (although he lied about it), lived with his mom (although he lied about it) in her mansion (literally, a mansion), and didn’t have a car (although, you guessed it, he lied about it). He told her loved her after two days, coincidentally while they were having sex for the first time. Here’s an example of how weird this guy was: During intercourse, she would have to umm, finish him off, because he refused to “defile” her (his word) by ummm making his deposit inside. Perhaps she was naive, perhaps it was her age (46), but she didn’t make him wear a condom — even though she had doubts about his sexuality! Surprisingly, Jim lasted several months.

There were a few guys here and there in S’s life, including a shockingly bad one-night stand with an underendowed radiologist lol. Then there was the pilot. They met on match.com, he e-mailed/called/texted constantly. She was “in love.” They finally met in January and in the middle of the date, he decided to drive home to Illinois. Ouch.

Ten days later, Greg came along. He had just moved back to Ohio after living in Florida for a while. She first told me about him on Feb. 1st. A few days later, S. drove to Ohio to meet him. The next day, she called me to say she met the man she was going to marry. He told her that weekend that he loved her. A few days later, he went out west on business with her, then they went to Florida so he could put his condo on the market. He stayed with her for a week or so, and I met him briefly. He was (a) not cute, (b) looked way older than he said he was (49) and (c) seemed to be devoid of personality. S., however, was smitten.

She told me yesterday that they are planning to get married next Wednesday, the 8th. She wants the news kept quiet, and certainly doesn’t want any parties/gifts/luncheons, etc. (We like to celebrate in my office lol). I was shocked. I pointed out that if I was getting remarried, she would want to buy me a gift. And marriages are something to be celebrated, even if she wants to keep it low-key. Her parents won’t even be there.

Today, she told me that she told her son they were getting married. He asked her why they didn’t just live together for a year to see how it went — and he’s 12 years old. S. was taken aback, but told him they loved each other and needed to be together. Yikes.

Yesterday, I remembered that Ryan’s dad is a private investigator. I e-mailed Ryan and asked him if his dad could do a background check on Greg. Today, Ryan followed up with me and I told him that I had changed my mind; what if something came up? Would S. hate me for the news? Ryan came back with a thoughtful e-mail, asking if I wanted to see her possibly hurt now with some news she didn’t want to hear or if I wanted to see her hurt down the road, when it could be much more serious. He added that he thought I would want my friends to do the same for me.

Ryan had a point. So I e-mailed him the considerable amount of information I had amassed — name, (alleged) age, cell #, e-mail address, cities he’d lived in. Ryan e-mailed me tonight, asking for a middle initial. He said it looked “sketchy.” The only guy coming up is 59 and works for a delivery company.

Somehow I have to find out this guy’s middle initial. I’m hoping Ryan’s dad has zeroed in on the wrong guy. If something does come up, I’ve decided I’m going to give the information to S., and tell if she wants to look at it, she can. And if she wants to hate me, she can, but I’m her friend and I want her to be happy — and safe.

∗ Posted by Monique on 02.28.2006
∗ Friends