I’m contemplating a dating hiatus. I’m not getting anywhere. The guys I’m meeting aren’t all that fab. My match.com subscription is up in a little less than a month. I probably went on dates with 10 guys in the past year, and had flirtations with twice that number. I really don’t feel much closer to knowing what I want or even who I am, post-divorce, than I did when I started.
Ryan argued in favor of me taking a break. All of a sudden he’s Mr. Relationship Advice. WTF? I point-blank asked him how many dates HE went on last year. None, of course. Then he tells me that he hasn’t been with anyone else as long as he’s known me (15 months) and that he’s gone out a few times but not even to the point of kissing another girl. He said he wanted me to know that.
I was a little taken aback. I have always thought of him as the side dish, someone I can turn to when I want a quick lay, and have kept him separate from my regular dates. I kissed most of the guys I went out with and had sex with two of them; sadly, neither was any good lol. Ryan and I have amazing chemistry and compatibility. Even the first time we were together was great.
But “little missy,” as I have started calling her, is moving in to his place on Saturday. I haven’t told Ryan this, but I can’t continue to spend hours chit-chatting with him if she’s living there. That is a pre-emptive strike on my part, because I’m envisioning the two of them hanging out all of the time, leaving even less time in his life for Miss Monique. I’ve always been the one to end things with him, and those break-ups hurt bad enough. I can only imagine the sting if he were to reject me.
I don’t know what his plan is. It’s like we’re becoming more like friends, yet he still throws out the sexual comments. And the other night I mentioned something Mark had said. Ryan replied, “I wouldn’t give much weight to anything that guy said, except when he was talking about how wonderful you are!”
It’s weird. Maybe I’ll give myself until Memorial Day. I’ll spend the time developing myself more. But the thought of going without male attention for that long makes me feel grumpy. But that’s because I put so much emphasis on what other people think of me. I need to set my own worth so my esteem doesn’t rise and fall with the number of messages in my in-box …
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god, we sound very similar in our thinking.
As for your friend, sounds like he likes you a little more than a friend, but might be afraid of getting turned down by you. But what do I know, I still can’t figure guys out, or maybe I wouldn’t be single if I did.
Comment by Julie - February 16, 2006 7:57 pm