I already ordered Mark’s valentine’s day gift.

I placed the order last Sunday, high on the optimism that he wanted to go out during the week.

I bought him a set of fuzzy dice for his car as well as a steering wheel cover (flames, of course). What the hell am I going to do with those?

I couldn’t believe it last night when he told me that there was nothing — nothing! — that he didn’t like about me. I’m everything he should be attracted to (but apparently isn’t). He said he knows he’s screwing up the best thing to happen to him in a long time.

I tried to get laid last night, but Ryan saw right through my unusual assertiveness. He ended up coming over to hang out with me until he went to see a movie with friends. He was over for a little more than an hour. I gave him a brief rundown on Mark, at his request, then we just talked about other stuff. Nothing happened, although we were touching, kinda holding hands, and a few times he laughed and rolled over on top of me. He asked for a hug when he left. It felt nice. I didn’t really want to have sex. I just didn’t want to be alone.

Speaking of Ryan, he’s picking me up in 45 minutes to have lunch and go to the bookstore. He’s being very sweet. I hope I can stop crying by the time he gets here.

I called/e-mailed several friends today to tell them about Mark. It was kind of a chore but I was also glad that I have so many friends to tell! I know I’ll get through this. I’m just sick of going through this.

In other news, my new design should be up and running soon. It’s very “me.” I like it a lot.

∗ Posted by Monique on 01.29.2006
∗ Uncategorized