I’m Trying
Monique @ 9:13 pm Mark called me again tonight. I was at Panera, eating a bowl of chicken noodle soup for dinner. He had lost his wallet and was looking for it while he was on the phone with me. I like attention. Don’t call me while you’re doing something else! We talked for about 20 minutes and I was bored, because our conversation was so surface-level.
Considering I probably won’t see him this weekend, I wrote him a letter. An actual letter, to be sent through the U.S. mail.
“I have a tendency to talk and talk yet not really say too much, especially when it comes to talking about my feelings. I have never been comfortable sharing my emotions – most likely because my parents aren’t – so I try to avoid doing so. Which, of course, doesn’t serve me well in a relationship. I mean, the entire point is for us to get to know each other and I’m not making it easy to know me.
I’m telling you this because I want you to know me. It’s just not easy for me to open up. You can ask me whatever you want to know – I may blush, I may stammer, but I will answer. I like you and I like being with you, and I want us to be on more than a superficial level, at least when we’re not laughing over nothing! xoxo M.”
Hell if I know what to do. I’m torn. I like Mark. And I like Ryan. I want to see where things go with Mark, but I’m scared to try and to fail. Oh hell. Hell, hell, hell.
| 1.7 |
.
If I could speak in any
language in heaven or
on earth but didn’t love
others, I would only be
making meaningless noise
like a loud gong or a
clanging cymbal. If I
had the gift of prophecy,
and if I knew all the
mysteries of the future
and knew everything
about everything, but
didn’t love others, what
good would I be? And
if I had the gift of faith
so that I could speak
to a mountain and make
it move, without love
I would be no good to
anybody. If I gave
everything I have to
the poor and even
sacrificed my body,
I could boast about it;
but if I didn’t love others,
I would be of no value
whatsoever. Love is
patient and kind. Love
is not jealous or boastful
or proud or rude. Love
does not demand its
own way. Love is not
irritable, and it keeps
no record of when it
has been wronged.
It is never glad about
injustice but rejoices
whenever the truth
wins out. Love never
gives up, never loses
faith, is always hopeful,
and endures through
every circumstance.
May You Always
Experience This
Kind Of Love,
Dr. Howdy
Comment by 'Thought & Humor' by Howdy — January 11, 2006 @ 9:21 pm
Good for you for being up front with your feelings, even if it takes the US Postal Service to get the message across. I’m new to your blog–found it today via Blog Explosion–so I’m not up-to-date on your situation, but it sounds kinda…complicated. I’ll have to come back and catch up!
Comment by Spring — January 11, 2006 @ 9:38 pm
The US Postal service??? I thought I was the only one left in the world who still believed in the institution. Just make sure you use the $.39 cent stamps… postage has once again gone up.
Oh, and paper and envelope… those choices are important… I like the 24 lb. papers myself… with the special designer envelopes. Then again… this is me… so maybe you might be better off with s standard 20 lb. and a solid color envelope instead. Just remember those choices are relatively important.
I think it’s great your sending it… that is so fantastic.
Just one word of advice… don’t tell him about the blog… (c:P
-Dave
Comment by New York City's Watchdog — January 12, 2006 @ 9:41 am
Don’t worry, Dave, I am a total paper snob! I went to three stores trying to find decent stationery that also “spoke” to me lol. I ended up with folded notecards, white with green and blue monogram. It’s just so much easier for me to put words down on paper than verbalize them … I just hope it works …
Comment by Monique — January 12, 2006 @ 8:07 pm