When do you have it?

I had dinner with my oldest friend last night — we’ve known each other since we were 14 — and, of course, the conversation turned to sex as the night wore on. I said I wasn’t sure about the “three-date rule,” as that just seemed too soon. Her point of view is if you’re going to do it, sooner is better than later so you can make sure it’s good with that person. She and her husband had sex on their first date. Did things work out because of that or would have they worked out had she waited? Who knows …

While I agree with her viewpoint, I’ve also spent the past 20+ months in therapy — and my therapist point of view is, what’s the rush? Why not get to know someone first and decide if they are deserving of me before I sleep with them?

For me, sex is so tied to my emotions — I can’t separate them, even though I thought I could — that I’m afraid sleeping with a man, like Mark, on the third date, would make me feel like the relationship is more serious than it is. At any rate, even thinking of having a “boyfriend” is terrifying.

Speaking of Mark, I’ve talked to him on the phone Wednesday and Thursday, and yesterday we exchanged a few e-mails throughout the day. We’re going to meet for dinner Sunday night after I get back home. After the way our first date ended — two hours of making out — I think I need to think through my “Why I Want to Wait” reasoning. If we go out again after tomorrow, I’m sure we’ll end up at my place. I think I need to convince myself more than anything that it is okay not to have sex right away …

Oh, speaking of therapy, here’s a perfect example of why I have self-esteem issues: Thursday night I told my mom that Mark had called again. “Why? Is he bored???” “What?!” “Well, why does he keep calling you? Is he tired of hanging out with his family?” “Mom! That is a perfect example of why I’m in therapy!” “What? You know I was joking …” She wasn’t.

∗ Posted by Monique on 11.26.2005
∗ Uncategorized