MJCF came over yesterday. He was going to help a friend of mine out, but she had to cancel at the last minute. I was a little disappointed, because I wanted her opinion of him. MJCF and I hung out for a couple of hours, talking, joking around and kissing. I’m still confused as all get out, but I don’t think I should press him to define what we’re doing until I’m confident I want to be with him. And I am far from it … Once or twice yesterday he moved my hand so he could hold it. Last weekend, he was kind of just placing his hand over mine; last night, our fingers were entwined. He excites and comforts me at the same time …

I have another date with New Guy (this is the second date with him). I am over my early-week freak-out over him. We’ve e-mailed a few times and then spoke on the phone for just over an hour on Wednesday. The second date is difficult, I think – I don’t want to get too “deep” emotionally but I also don’t want to stick with the superficial. We’re having dinner then going to an IMAX movie; the movie will be over a little after 9, so if the date is going well, we can hang out downtown … if it’s tanking, he can just take me home.

Oh, about a month ago, MJCF and I were hanging out and I saw an ad for this awesome stereo for my iPod. I jokingly said, “My birthday’s in October!” (The stereo costs $299.) I was telling a friend today that MJCF has mentioned the stereo a few times since and he said, “Oh my God, what if he buys it for you?!” I said, “I know!,” practically salivating with glee. Then he said, “But what’s the pattern? Men who can’t express their emotions to you so they buy you expensive gifts …” Damn. That’s what my dad did/still does. That’s what the ex did. That’s what just about every other man I’ve been involved with has done. I don’t think MJCF will buy me a birthday gift that costs nearly $300. (The sex isn’t that good.) But if he does, and things are still up in the air, like they are now … oh hell. Why won’t he just tell me how he feels about me???

∗ Posted by Monique on 09.09.2005
∗ Uncategorized