Tomorrow I have an appointment to see my therapist for the first time in a month.

We’ve been working together for about 18 months, with the only time off for vacations or the occasional illness. I like her. She challenges me and I can see that I’ve changed. But things have been odd lately. Like, the last time I saw her, in late July, she asked me to think about what would happen if I relied on her more. I thought the point of therapy was to independently help yourself … I mean, we sometimes chit-chat about friendly stuff after a session for a few minutes as she’s writing out the receipt, but we’re not friends. I don’t pay my friends $75/hr to listen to me talk. But back to whole “reliance” issue – I am going to have to ask her tomorrow what she meant by that. I don’t know how I could rely on her more – or less, for that matter.

I feel very defensive when I think about telling her MJCF is back in the picture. Really, I feel like I am in between a rock and a hard place. I don’t want to defend my actions, because I don’t feel like I should have to … MJCF sought me out and I didn’t sleep with him right away. On the other hand, I don’t want to minimize this, to act like it’s no big deal, because I’m not ashamed of what I’ve done. I also don’t want to attribute more or less to MJCF than is warranted.

Maybe I’m making a mountain out of a molehill and she will have some insight for me tomorrow. I know if I were making $75/hr. I’d come up with something to say. : )

∗ Posted by Monique on 08.24.2005
∗ Uncategorized