I’m leaving today for a few days to visit a friend. The timing couldn’t be better: I need a break from MJCF. The past week has been too confusing and intense. The irony in all of this is that, initially, I just wanted a man to desire me physically because that had been so lacking in my last relationship. Then I got annoyed with MJCF because he only desired me physically. So I ended it. Now, he’s back and has made it clear he’s missed talking to me, although the physical desire still is present. It’s almost like he’s being more respectful of me, because that’s what I demanded. I’m cautiously optimistic. He’s even started talking about us doing things together, which he never used to do. Whether these outings come to fruition remains to be seen. Damn it, I like him. And I’m scared that I am going to let my guard down again, become invested emotionally and the things will end up being just like they used to be. Meanwhile, I’ll let an opportunity with someone else pass me by …

My flight leaves in four hours and it’s starting to storm. Rain is the last thing I need. In my mood, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a blizzard in August. : )

This is a song that makes me think of MJCF:
It seems to me, you and me
Are chasing something.
What it is does anybody here want to know?
It seems to you, you and me
Are forgetting something
When love is so easily forgotten.

And if I pick you up, will you drag me down?
If I run to you, will you turn around?
Rise and fall turn the wheel ’cause all life
Is really just a circle.

It seems to me, you and me
Are being chased by something.
What it is has anybody here apprehended?
It seems to you, you and me
Are terrified by nothing
When nothing is the reason we are here.
Oh, nothing at all.

And if I cry to you, will you laugh me down?
But I’m asking you to turn around.
Rise and fall turn the wheel ’cause all life
Is really just a circle.
– “Circle,” Big Head Todd & the Monsters

∗ Posted by Monique on 08.05.2005
∗ Uncategorized