Lessons Learned

At least my learning curve is getting shorter.

So Friday night MJCF e-mailed me for the first time in over a month, and we chatted for an hour or so, on and off. Today, it was two more hours during the day and another two or so tonight. Around 11 p.m., hooking up with him seemed like a good idea (okay, a bad idea but it seemed like fun). Then he got all weird, saying he didn’t want me to think that the only reason he contacted me was for a booty call. He wanted to talk with me. Then, after dropping hints for hours, he does a 180 and says he needs to get some sleep.

Okay. What? Time out. He’s getting pissy because I want to use him? Fuck this shit. I’m going to be out of town or busy the next three weekends and a good portion of the time during the week.

He knows what I’m looking for and I don’t think he can give it to me. If he asks me out on a proper date, I may go. But I can’t sleep with him. I can’t climb on that runaway train once again. He’s not going to change. I can only change how I react to him.

Here’s the really sad thing: The thought of sharing a bed with him was almost as appealing as the thought of having sex with him. If I know he can’t give me something, why do I still want him to?