This weekend I received e-mails from two new “interests” on match.com. They are both about five years younger than me — and I can’t figure that out. In fact, all but one of the guys I’ve gone out with since I started dating in January have been younger than me. Back in the day, we viewed a woman as “desperate” if she went out with someone younger … like, can’t she get anyone her own age?

Remember Cher and her younger man, Rob Camilleti? That story fascinated me in the ’80s. He worked at a bagel shop while she was Cher. Occasionally, I read something about them and it seems like he’s been in and out of her life for years. Cher’s been called a lot of things, but I don’t think “desperate” is one of them. Honestly, what woman wouldn’t want her sexual confidence?

What bothers me the most about the idea of dating a younger man is that one day, he will tire “trade me in” for someone his own age. But that BS goes back to childhood issues that, despite 18 months of therapy, I can’t resolve: One of my fears is that people are only nice to me because they feel sorry for me. I know I know I know that’s not true … but during times of self-doubt, the childhood memories of being overweight and wearing glasses and braces — coupled with being painfully shy — surface. I’m desperate for someone to validate my attractiveness, but when I hear the words “You’re so beautiful,” hell no, I don’t believe it.

At first I was weirded out by my parade of younger suitors, but if a man (1) doesn’t still live with his parents, (2) has a job and (3) earns a decent living, I’m all for it. Maybe some of their youthful enthusiasm will eventually rub off on me.

iVillage article about older women, younger men couples in Hollywood

∗ Posted by Monique on 07.10.2005
∗ Uncategorized