So this is my first Independence Day weekend since my divorce. Yeah, I know, the fourth of July isn’t really on the list of holidays on which on wants to be a part of a couple, but this is the weekend that my ex moved out of our house in 2004. Granted, I wanted the divorce and the things he’s done (or hasn’t done) since have cemented that decision for me, but it’s just that — and I know how lame this sounds — I never expected being single to be this difficult.

The ex never wanted to go out or do much of anything — aside from work — so I didn’t have many friends to lean on. I have developed some great friendships over the past year, but it’s hard not having a partner, someone I can count on to go to a concert or movie with, or just bum around on a Friday night. My entire family is in another state — and they have visited me exactly zero times in the past year, while I’ve gone to see them at least six. That hurts.

I hibernated for about six months, a bottle of shiraz my weekend companion. Then, near the end of 2004, I felt like it was time to rejoin the world. So what’s the first thing I try to do? What every single person does — get laid. Of course, not having been single in nearly 10 years, I had no idea what to do or where to go, so I turned to the internet, at the suggestion of a couple friends. I created a saucy screen name and in short order “met” this guy (let’s call him … MJCF or “my job comes first”) who lived not too far from me. After a month of flirtation, we hooked up — and my one-night-stand turned into, shit, six months of drama. Good Lord, I didn’t think it had been that long. Six months of “just” sex = ? You tell me.

Writing about MJCF isn’t helping my feelings of loneliness and confusion. I need a drink.

∗ Posted by Monique on 07.03.2005
∗ Uncategorized